KONY 2012

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Why wasn't Steve paying attention in class? Because he was dead.

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Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

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What do you get when Justin Bieber mates with a beaver? Nothing, the species are too genetically different to produce offspring

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Why did the man fall off his bike? Because he wasn't on a bike.

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How do you take money from a Mexican? You don't because they have none.

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Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. I'm hammering nails. Knock knock.

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how do you get a black guy out of a tree? fried chicken.

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what is worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 11 dead babies in a trash can

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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Whats black, white, and read/red all over? What? Michael Jackson after his surgery.

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a man walks in to a night club he can not danse so he just wachis pepol

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Whats black, white, and red all over? Hot sauce on a checkerboard.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

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What's the difference between 10 dead baby's and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage

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What happenswhen a geman shepard jumps into a lake? it gets wet

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Why did the Mexican get arrested? Because he crossed the border.

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A man spots Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles. He proceeds to tell his friends the story, who in turn believe him, as the story is plausible.

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Bob: If two negatives make a positive, what would be an anti-anti-joke? Tim: An anti-joke

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A psychotic man walks into a pharmacy He buys his weekly medication to control his condition.

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A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

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why did the 11 year old boy stick his hand in a lawnmower nobody knows he hasnt come out of the coma yet

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The snails are salting one by one Hurrah! Hurrah! They fizzle up until they're gone Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting two by two Hurrah! Hurrah! They melt until there's only goo Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting three by three Hurrah! Hurrah! Some shells and slime is all I see Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting four by four Hurrah! Hurrah! We shaker-salt them even more Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die!

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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