Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

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The Charlotte Bobcats

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Q: What's red, pink and spins round and round? A: A baby in a blender Q2: What's red, pink, green, and smells bad? A2: The same baby 2 weeks later

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What did the spider say to the lobster? Nothing, they are enemies and don't live in the same habitat.

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What's hairy and sags? A ball sack

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Hitler.. Hitlar... Hillar... Hillary Clinton

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Roses are red, Violets are blue Poems don't have to rhyme

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Casey Anthony kills a baby

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Why was the kid hungry? Because he lived in Africa.

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Why did the Japanese boy drop his sushi? He was hit by a tsunami

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whats the stage after cancer? you die

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Why did Bob throw butter out the window, Because he is mentally retarded.

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Why couldn't the farmer drive his tractor He had no arms why didn't he have arms Because he was a potato

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Why was the prostitute unsuccessful? because she had no vagina

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What did one traffic light say to the other? Nothing, as traffic lights are incapable of thought as they are not living.

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What's white, wet, and sticky? A tissue that I just blew my nose with.

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Kitana vs Shao Kahn. Kitana: HIAHIAHIAHIA...etc Kahn: You weak pathetic whor... OARGH! Kahn: FINISH ME!!! Kitana: Dad? Again? Okay the last time then... Kahn: I just addopted you you FUC... Oargh Oargh Oargh Oargh Oargh... OOF!! OFF!! OFF!! OFF! Kitana: *slurp okay no more for you I am uh... full, seriously, Ill explode or some other Fatality... Woody Allenality... Kahn: Kontinue? (press start to kontinue free play mode)

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Which came first? The chicken? Or the egg? Whichever one was more sexually excited i guess.

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The Big Band Theory

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roses are red violets are blue my dick hurts blue waffles

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Everytime God shuts a door, he opens a window... ...But I am the Goddamn locksmith!

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What did Hitler say to Obama Nothing because Hitler is dead.

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Why didn't the monkey cross the road? He saw the chicken get run over.

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A guy watches TMJBtv on YouTube. He then shoots himself.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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