A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, Ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

What is the difference between 1000 dead babies and a Cadillac? I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

What do cats eat for breakfast? Cat food.

How do you know when your pizza is ready? When the oven timer goes off, indicating that it is done.

Why didn't the black man eat lunch? Because his lunch asked him not to eat it.

How do five gay guys walk? In One Direction: 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

Hey, dude, wanna hear a joke? Sure... Pussy. ...I dont get it... Exactly! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Q: Why did the guy ring the doorbell? A: Because he was sick of all the crappy knock-knock jokes

Why did Susan fall of the swing? She had no arms... Knock Knock... Who's there? Not Susan...

WHY WAS 6 AFRAID OF 7? I REALLY DONT KNOW!

hey i just met you and this is crazy i have alzheimers hey i just met you

What do you do if you see a Mexican riding a bike? Say "Hello." It is polite.

What's do you call two bulls, a goat, and a horse? Farm A nimals

How do you starve a black man?.........take away his food!!

What do stupid fat ugly women always say to me? “I think you have a problem with women.”

What did the waitress do when the man asked for pizza? She ran away

Asexuals aren't known for f***ing around.

i had a dream last night;) it was sad because you lived but then i dreamed up a bus and made it hit you. i had a dream last night;) you died

Do you know what's funny? 9/11

What do you call an Ex-Penn State coach who is anal to young boys? - Strict

My Grandma has Alzheimers and always repeats what she says. My Grandma has Alzheimers and always repeats what she says. (Submitted by Aidan)

Know what would be awkward, if a GPS told a gay guy to get straight.

Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? Because he wants to hide the fact he knocked up a chicken.

What's worse than a burglar breaking into your house in the middle of the night? A rapist breaking into your house in the middle of the night.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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