- Anti Joke

Simon walks into a bar. He orders his favorite beer. The bartender says "Hey Simon, I see you're back with the usual, aye?" Simon says "Touch you tongue to your elbow." The bartender couldn't do it.

4 men walk into a bar... Don't jump to conclusions! They were gay.

Why was the black man arrested? He was tried and convicted in a court of law for being an accessory to murder.

why did the white man walk into the bar? He was thirsty

How do you kill a baby? You take a gun and shoot it.

ha ha, I can talk and you can't.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Well thats a stupid question, just one.

Your face

If you were a booger..................... I would get a tissue so i could blow my nose.

Why did the boy fall out of the plane. Because the plane was on fire.

Hickory dickory dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one; The other escaped with minor injuries.

Why did the catholic preist take all the little boys out in the woods? They were going on a camping trip.

A blonde, ginger, and brunette took the SAT. They all performed successfully and were admitted into their colleges of choice.

A man walks into a bar. What does he say? A: Ow.

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam...

A chicken walks into a bar and orders a beer. Just kidding chickens cant talk and animal control was called

What would a prostitute do if she was given a million dollars? She would probably diversify her portfolio. First, she would pay her rent. She would buy some groceries and a present for her mother. She would then invest it in stocks and low-yield bonds. She would they buy a vehicle. This win might not affect her continuance in her job.

What happened to the man who had the most loving parents and family when he was born, had an amazing childhood which he shared with so many good friends, was loved everywhere, helped the poor, started a fundraiser for starving kids in africa, got a college education, helped a complete stranger get off his drug addiction, married a beautiful woman, bought a nice house and had 3 children who he loved dearly and spent time with as much as he possibly could, tucked them in every night and enjoyed every second of his life as if it was his last? He died.

A little boy uses a horrible curse against his classmate. The classmate is so angry he tells the teacher. The teacher is so astounded at the little boy's use of language he sends him to the principal. When the principal hears of the foul language he's so ashamed he calls the police. The police can't believe the little boy said such a bad word, they think he deserves to go to court. The court dates are set up. When the Judge hears of the hate words he can think of no other worthy punishment except prison until he turns 21. After the kid is let out he heads for the bar across town where all the ex-prisoners go. He orders up a drink, bartender asks "What'd you do?". The kid explains the curse to the bartender. The barkeep becomes so upset that he kicks the kid out of the bar. While crossing the street to go to another bar he gets hit by a truck. Whats the moral of the story? Look both ways before crossing the street....

A doctor rides in his Mercedes Benz through a rough, poor part of town. He sees a homeless person who is begging for money. The doctor stops and gets out of his car and asks "Ill give you some money if you need it for food". The homeless person then shoots and kills the doctor, takes his wallet, and buys crack.

How do you stop a baby from drowning? Take your foot of his head

If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a human being and one is an inanimate object that people enjoy sitting on.

Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to drown as a result of climate change.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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