Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: babies lack the intelligence and motor skills to accomplish such a task so it is not practical to hire them for a painting job.

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I was walking down the street and a guy fell down right next to me. He woke up a hour later and asked "what smells like year old cat pee?" I said "year old cat pee retard honestly." Then he died. Morale don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to.

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Knock Knock. - Whose there? ... ... ... ... Damn kids.

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Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

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Guy 1: Hey, do you like fish sticks? Guy2: Yeah. Guy 1: Me too

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? She had no arms.

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Roses are green,violets are blue,i'm high as ****,is that perfume or glue?

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Why did the TV fall of a cliff? Because a nice man was donating it to the homeless shelter which hangs over a cliff. The man placed the TV in the back room on the floor. There was a weak spot on the floor and when the fattest homeless person walked over the floor, the floor broke which was a HUGE inconvenience because he TV and the fat man fell through the floor and over the cliff, luckily the TV was plugged in so it was hanging by the cord but an old lady with Alzheimer's forgot that there was a hole in the floor and unplugged the TV so she could clean the switches. In the end the TV fell off the cliff.

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots? It depends on what his name is.

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What happens if you play CS:GO? Well you loose alot of fucking money.

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What's worse than getting a divorce? Nuclear warfare

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what is worse than losing your phone? having it destroyed because you were texting while driving causing an accident and you are not eligible for and upgrade for another two months.

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Friends are like potato, when you eat them die.

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Have you ever listened to the smell of the color 9? It tastes like freedom!

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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are productive members of society. -Canis

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There is a blonde a Burnett and a red head. Life goes on.

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what is the difference between a banana and an orange? bread.

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why did the man fart? because he felt like it.

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How do you drown a blond? By being an insane murderer!

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What's the deal with brown?

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Q: how do you make a clean naz dance? A: put a lil boogy in it? NOOO SUCK IT!!!

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Your momma is so fat that when she fell over, she couldn't get back up without help, and she probably got several bruises.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? A dozen burly firefighters ready to stick it in your pooper

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A Muslim walks into a public library. 32 people killed in the explosion.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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