What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a larger worm in your apple.

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What's worse than stepping in tar? Getting your face ripped off by a man sized Tarantula

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One time there was a girl in a wheelchair and she couldn't walk.

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I'm black and I will beat your children. (This is not an anti-joke)

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An Englishman, a Welshman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all stranded on a desert island. After several days spent utilizing the survival skills they had been taught in the Royal Navy, they were eventually evacuated by fellow sailors searching for them. As the only survivors, their stories were vital in preventing such shipwrecks in future.

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What did God say to Adam and Eve? Be fruitful

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Why am I constipated? I ate fiber glass insulation.

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Why did the german killed the jew? Because he was nazi.

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What's worse than sex with a midget? Non-consensual sex with a midget.

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Far from, yet all organizations are money based and put capitalism in front of all, so if lets say, one organization, needs help from another, a money transaction is made, I play a role there, as a well... Diplomat, its not my title, but my title is something I cannot reveal to anyone, not even my wife, id be putting myself and people in danger, but since I master things such as hypnosis, I can well, influence people, this is how I can pull of favors myself. Not favors such as "kill that guy for me", but more like... In your case. "If you are going to kill the wizard, please let the rest be, I know they are good people"

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill.

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An alligator was found wearing a vest. The investigator had no comment... As alligators are incapable of speech. ^^^

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What did the little girl say to her mother? Nothing, the previous day the little girl was kidnapped and rapped by two 40 year old men and was eventually decapitated...she will never speak to her mother again.

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My friend just phoned me from the Boston marathon. He was being taken to the hospital due to being injured by the explosions and had to have his leg amputated.

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Keith figured gasoline burns, doesn't it? He was wrong.

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Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first polar bear says, "Pass the soap." The second polar bear replies, "No soap, radio." OMG YOU DON'T GET IT?!?!?!?! NOOB

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wanna hear a sad joke? you! by mad james

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a horse walks into the bar. the bartender asks why the long face.

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Why should you never push a Mexican off a bike? Because he will file a lawsuit against you in the event of an injury.

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"What dosen't kill you makes you stronger" Except losing your arms.

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Why wouldn't Helen Keller be able to drive if she was alive today? She would be inside her coffin not knowing how to get out

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Why did the girl fall of the swing? I hit her with an axe.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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How did the American man get the Mexican man to jump over the wall? He didn't, after several attempts he then got a ladder and climbed over.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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