Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

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How do you stop a bus from hitting you?? You throw small children to impede the progress of the bus.

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What do Kurt Cobain and a whale have in common? Both have holes in the back of their heads

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knock knock. who's there? interrupting black lady. wha....... ehmmm hmmmm!

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What is the same about a Duck and a Pickle? Neither of them can ride a bike.

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Your mom is so stupid, she didn't know the answer to 2+5

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Umm... Why would it not?

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge asked "Mum, why is my name Fridge?" to which she replied "Because you deserve to be in one."

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what do you call 20 black people under the ocean? a tragic boating accident

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Knock Knock Who's there? Hello there. I am Elder Young and I with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. What would you say if someone were to offer you peace and happiness through all of eternity?

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A: Did you know that cashews come from a fruit? B: Not really. This is an interesting fact. Any other facts you have? A: yes ("A" was lying)

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Whats Barack Obama's favorite number ? 7

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What's black and white and red all over? Obama covered in red paint.

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whats worse than unloading a truck of dead babies with pitch forks? Finding one alive

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You: Did u hear the one about that guy walking into a bar? Them: No. You: He said it hurt

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Q: How many elephants can fit inside a Volkswagen Beetle? A: Four.

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once opon a time. never mind i'm just going to beat you kids.

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what good about eatting every night knowing that a african want

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Why did the Democrat cross the road? Because the glorious leader ordered it for all minions

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what is yellow and burns? -a fire

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a man walks into a bar, when he leaves he thinks he can hold his liquor and kills a mother and two children attempting to drive home.

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okay, there was a donkey and a parrot walking at the park. When it was raining the donkey says to parrot hey why is it so hot. Then a person riding bikes come to the parrot and she told her to sit down. Nobody saying hello but she can dance reallly nicely.

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What did the monk say to the 1 legged, Asian prostitute Nothing, Monks take a vow of silence.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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