You decide, drink or drive. But don't do all 3 at the same time.

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Why did Sally have a headache? She had a Brian tumor the size of an eggplant.

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Why didn't the Orphan finish his lemonade. His legs got chopped off.

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Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "Yes, I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater." Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?" Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?" "No." "Then you're gay!"

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Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it "NUuhHUhhuUUUuhhhuuuuumph!"

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Knock knock I'M IN THE BATHROOM !!

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Question: What do you call a Black person who cooks food at a fried chicken restaurant? Answer: A chef

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Q: What do you call a Polish astronomer? A: Copernicus.

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The little girl asks her father "Daddy why is santa fat?" "you have to exist to lose weight" he answered

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Flowers are colors Love me

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Why did the boy only have one arm? tigers make terrible pets

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This is a stupid joke. Get it to the top of the list and Kobe Bryant will pass to you.

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What are the biggest ants in the world? Ants under a magnifying glass.

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OMG THIS ACTUALLY WORKS! 1. Hold your breath for 2 mins 2. Die

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Why did the koala fall of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the other koala fall off the tree? It was stapled to the first koala.

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Why couldn't Billy the bird fly? He was an ostrich, ostriches can't fly.

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How do u get suzzy off a swing? You tell her to get off

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What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? Where you put the cucumber

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Chris. Chris who? Wow, I thought we were better friends than that.

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What's red and bad for youur teeth? A brick.

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What did the boy say to the girl? I like you hi.

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You: Want to hear a joke? Person: Yeah You: Me too

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Why do dogs walk across the street? Cause they can

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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