Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have some H20." The second one says "why did you come to the bar if you're just going to have water?" and orders a beer.

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Goodbye to the people who hated on me.

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"is it just me or is it getting really hot in here?" "the house is on fire and we are locked in"

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Once upon a time, there was a ghost. The ghost was sneaking up on a little girl when she turned around and asked the ghost "Are you a stalker or something?" The ghost, unable to reply (being a ghost) was then kicked in the shins. The End!

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What did the Polish man say to his doctor? "Witam, doktorze. By?em kaszel z ostatnich kilku tygodni i jest wysypka na moim lewym ramieniu. Czy jest co? co mo?na zrobi?, aby mi pomóc?" I don't know what it means, either.

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Why doesnt snow like Asians? Snow is a form of precipitation within the Earth's atmosphere in the form of crystalline water ice, consisting of a multitude of snowflakes that fall from clouds. Since snow is composed of small ice particles, it is a granular material. It has an open and therefore soft structure, unless packed by external pressure. Snowflakes come in a variety of sizes and shapes. Types which fall in the form of a ball due to melting and refreezing, rather than a flake, are known as graupel, ice pellets or snow grains. Therefore since snow is unhuman they are then thus incapable of emotions because they lack any vitals organs.

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The kid next door was running around shouting spells and carrying a wand. ''I bet you'd love to be like Harry Potter!'' I told him. ''Yes!'' he exclaimed. So I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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Is your Alzheimers getting better? I have alzeimers?...

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'knock knock' 'Who's there?" "the mailman, Ive got mail for you"

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What's worse than the WNBA? The Cleveland Cavaliers.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I look down My pants are brown.

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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? I don't know, he couldn't open it.

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What did the paralyzed kid get for his 18th birthday? A boner.

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At first I was at the party and I was like YOLO!! But then I got pregnant and was like yolo....

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What did Osama bin Laden say when he heard loud gunshots outside his millitary compound? A: We'll never find out

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What did the first ant say to the second ant? Nothing. Ants are incapable of communicating via speech.

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Q: Why did the boy have a bloody nose? A: Because a serial killer split his head in half with an axe.

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Why didn't Jacob marry Bella from Twilight? You have to be real to marry someone

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yo Dawg I heard you like dogs... So I sent yo ass to prison and got an NFL contract

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have herpes And now so do you

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead dive off a motorboat. They are sucked into the propeller and brutally disfigured instantly.

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knock. knock. whos there? ur mom now put ur pants back on

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How do giant spiders like to spend their weekends? Eating Orphans.

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Did you know that if you say "gullible" slowy, it still sounds like you're saying "gullible."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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