Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

what do michael Jackson and little boys do in the dark alone? they turn on the flashlight

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Poop.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's the worse thing O.J. Simpson has gotten away with? Running a red light

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How tall is a tree? Taller than the ground

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is worse that a bee sting? 2 bee stings what is worse that 2 bee sting? Kony what is wose than Kony? 3 bee stings what is worse than 3 bee sting? being allergic to bee stings

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Its a bird!! Its a plane!! No, its a bird.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

If a large bear falls out of a tree, why would a giraffe also eat the cheese?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Two babies are playing in a sand box.. They both start crying because they get sand in their eyes

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: what do you call a hooker you pay in spaghetti? A: a pasta-tute.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

This is not a joke.... It is mind rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

- i send you a friend request on facebook - okay

thumb_up thumb_down -3

WHY IS THIS SENTENCE CAPITALIZED? BECAUSE CAPS LOCK IS ON.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why was Billy's grandma not around for Thanksgiving? Because she's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the fat black man do? Get a gym membership.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why cant Michael J Fox draw a perfect circle? because he is dying of parkinson's disease.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you help a black person find a job ? Tell them places that are hiring.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A blonde, a Jew, and a black man all went to the store. They each bought their groceries and went home to enjoy the rest of their day with their families.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A ham sandwich walks into a bar, bartender says "We don't serve food here."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's better than winning a gold medal at the paralympics? Winning two gold medals.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Want to hear a joke? Obama

thumb_up thumb_down -3

what do u call a fat guy in a pool u

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What song did Buddy the elf sing for Santa on his birthday? Happy birthday

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A: That's a catchy song! B: You know what else is catchy? A: What? :) B: Herpes. Awkward silence.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops