How many fat people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to hold the ladder, another to screw it in. The third one stands to the side, just in case it breaks.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

My girlfriend gave me her first ever blowjob last night. I came in her mouth and she washed it down with a can of Carling. Obviously she had to get that horrible taste out of her mouth, so she gave me another blowjob.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 20 years later he would gamble away his life savings and then go onto live a lonely and unfulfilled life.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Pop Fiction last words. guess who edition: "Okay okay you win again Batman! Ahahaha hohohoho hehehehe! Wanna hear a new jo... Eh... what are you doing with that gun?" "Why did I not just take a step or two to the side during the five hours and over thirty episodes he kept charging that Kamehameha?" "Bah I cannot die as long as my ego is full! Are these really the ratings on my latest game? H0moerotic? Childish? A sociopath? Oh man..." Moral: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the moralmanBitch! HOAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Girl goes to see a sex therapist. Girl says, "Doc, though this has never been a problem, for the past 3 months I have been unable to reach climax. Can you help me?" Doc says, "Yes.". And after an intense 18 months of therapy the doctor helped the girl to discover that her inability to reach climax was related to issues of childhood sexual abuse. And after another 36 months of therapy the girl finally found the courage to confront and forgive her unrepentant abuser, as she realized that by not forgiving him, it was like drinking poison while hoping that he would die. And though the doctor did help her,as he had said, the girl never regained her ability to reach climax again.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blow job I promised you? Well, here it comes..."

thumb_up thumb_down -18

what do you do if you get in a car wreck with a black man get out of your vehicle and exchange insurance information

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Question: how many times a power rangers episode show a power rangets face ANSWER: dont ask me im not that big of a power rangers!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the army guy say when he lost his gun. Wheres my gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Wanna hear a joke? that disabled guy who wants to climb mount everest.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

jeffrey: Do you know what happened on the 5th of november? gerald: No jeffrey: I cant remember

thumb_up thumb_down -18

whats fun about the governement's jokes? nothing, they are actually serious

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I'm a fork. Fork you!!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q: Why does it take three Polacks to change a light bulb? A: Because they're so damn stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Your mom is so stupid she has to get homeschooled for college!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why does Billy Mays yell? He doesn't, he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A child walks into a bar. I swear those jungle gyms are too short.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's worse than reading? A lot, but there are too many things to name

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's white and can't climb a tree? A refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's the difference between meat and fish? You can't beat your fish.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

It's not illegal, it's just frowned upon... like... masterbating on an airplane.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

You'er moma is so stupied that she climbed over the glass window to see what on the other side

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Did you hear about the 2 pretzels walking down the street? It's not true, pretzels are not capable of autonomous movement.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call a Black guy who flies planes? A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops