When were in a zombie apocalypse I will make sure to save you for 40 days and then I will sacrifice you

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What's long and hard on a black man? Second Grade

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why did spiderman fall off the roof ? cause it was wet

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A hard-working man, in his early forties with slightly graying hair, arrives to work earlier every day. He values integrity and dedication. His loving wife is proud of his accomplishments and her favorite part of the day is when he arrives home from a day at the office. He is close friends with the Director of HR, because he believes that we all should be respected and treated fairly on the job. Today, there is a board meeting, which he prepared for extensively, because he cares deeply about what happens to this great company. His boss greets him after the meeting is done and says, "Great job, that presentation was even better than yours usually are." It was a very long meeting, so they both end up going to the Men's Room. What does he say when his boss corners him near the urinals and demands sex? Nothing. He doesn't like to talk during sex.

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What does Pluto and a creamsicle have in common? Neither of them are a planet.

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Chuck Norris walks in to a bar then many people greet him because of his celebrity status.

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How do you drown a blonde? Well there are a few ways, including holding her head underwater until she passes out and then leaving her in the pool.

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what starts with F and ends with ead? Fred was walking to school one day when he heard a strange noise in a tree. He walked up to the tree, looked up, and saw a cat. Fred was late for class, so he decided to go to school and help the cat out after school. Eight hours later, Fred came up to the tree and looked up to see if the cat was there. It wasn't. The cat was lying next to the tree, dead.

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Your adopted

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A lawyer met with his client and said.. well, there is some good news and some bad news The bad news is that you're going to prison for life.

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What did the wall say to the other wall? I didn't say anything because it isn't living and it can't talk because it is impossible.

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Why are there no Jews in hell? Because Hitler is there,

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Why did the black man kill himself? Because he had a very serious case of depression brought on by his recent divorce

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Why do dogs chase squirrels? Beacuse dogs have very low attention spands and also chase cars and cats.

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Q. What do birds and a mouse have in common... A. Nothing there two different species

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What do you call a Middle Eastern man flying a plane? A pilot

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A couple is playing chess. The man then chokes his wife to death, throws her body in a woodchopper, and eats her like cereal- Frost

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Roses are red Violets are red Jimmy is red Sally is red Susie is red Jimmy is red Billy is red Carl is red Jose is red Jerry is red Ferdinand is red Everyone is red Because they all just got shot In the head And now they're dead

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19 cats 33 hamsters 24 turtles and 23 dogs are all in a small cage, PETA is not happy.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Nothing.

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knock knock whos there guy with a gun guy with a gun who guy with a gun who just shot you dammit

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This isn't funny.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Dying unloved.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Steve Steve who? Your friend Steve, you called and told me to come over. Oh, come in.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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