What would Abraham Lincoln do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the lid of his coffin.

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-Your momma is so ugly, she wasnt a model. -Am I supposed to be caring?

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You're momma is so dumb, she has troubles passing her math unit and should seriously consider a math touter

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hi mom

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Magic! Well not really, you see, people that are stressed have the tendency to remain far longer into the state of hypnosis because their body conciously and subconciously (I am typoing it, but I cant bother to type it correctly fuck it) seek out the state of peace that hypnosis gives more often. Anyway, I know another thing that helps relieve stress, cough... Now, did you know that if you push your nose upwards slightly, you will feel a finger between your legs? its because nerve endings are connected that way, give it a go.

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How do you make a clown happy? You sucks it's dick

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"What starts with an 'F' and ends with 'uck'?" "I don't know, what?" "'Firetruck.'"

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Why couldn't Helen Keller Drive? Because she was a woman.

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Q: What did the Lone Ranger say when he saw his horse coming? A: Here comes my horse.

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~Chinese Anti Joke~ What is the difference between American army and Chinese army? American army teach youngsters to use their tanks. Chinese army smash youngsters with their tanks.

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What's worse than being arrested by a cop? Dying of AIDS.

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What do you get when you cross a road with a car? Severe injuries or even death.

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What's the difference between sand and menstral blood? I can't gargle sand

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a train? Because she's blind.

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Why were black people mad about slavery? Because they didn't get paid in gum! Holt9 ;P

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Roses are red. Violets are blue.

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A Black guy and a Mexican are in a car. Who is driving? The black guy. Its his car.

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What did the butler say to the guest while his master is in the bathroom? Butler: "Sir, will you wait while the Master bathes?" Guest: "How long will he be, I'm quite busy!" Butler: "He shouldn't be long sir, he should be finishing up now."

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Why did the mathematician go to jail? Because he killed his wife.

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Did you hear about Billy's magic trick? No? Don't worry, it was a trick question.

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If you give a mouse a cookie, he will probably eat it then have a heart attack due to the high level of sugar in the cookie

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Anti deep thoughts, by Fabian Monge'. The other day while parked at a stop light i was looking in the rear view mirror at the person who was blowing his horn at me. I then realized that while i was looking back at him the light had been green for a while. I then thought that i had better drive forward because i was holding up traffic, and that it was very selfish of me to waste other peoples time like that while wondering what was going on behind me instead of what was happening in front of me. In the time it took for me to come to this conclusion, i had wasted another few seconds of someones time. How very selfish of me.....

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Life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you get the shitty coconut ones.

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What's black and red and on the ground? A dead black guy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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