why did the clown stop laughing? because it got hit by an axe

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when life gives you lemons... squeeze the juice into your eyes.

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Q Whats the difference between a pich fork with watermelons and a pitch for with dead babies stuck on. A The pitchfork with the dead babies were severly shot in the kidneys and then the heart. Blake

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What did one penguin say to the other? Flippty-flop-dop-boop-de-bop. Jazzhands.

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A black guy and an apple fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? They both hit the ground roughly at the same time, because the acceleration due to gravity is constant.

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pady irish man paddy english man and paddy african man go on a magic slide wat ever you say will be at the bottem paddy irish man said gold paddy english man silver paddy african man almost fell off so he said shit buthalf way down he thought it was fun so he said wee

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Yo mamas so greasy that she has a beard

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How do prevent a black man from robbing your house? Lock you doors and perhaps get an up-to-date security system.

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Why did the first squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure. Why did Bobby fall off his bike? He was hit by 4 squirrels.

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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roses are brown violets are brown, who took a shit in my garden

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MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY MILES IS GAY

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Cinema greatest shit final, anime and videogames dont translate well into movies edition: One day... a young man named Tyler Reed, is chased by the notorious bully named Peter Ganondorf... Just then... he coincidentally utters "I AM THE LINK!" And a great lightning bolt strikes him... Tyler Becomes THE LINK! As for Peter Ganondorf... he became a pile of burning ashes... But Just then THE LINK, gets contacted by Jessica Fairy! And receives a important message... The evil Dr.Bullshitious has destroyed the connection without earth and planet Zelda! And that is bad... BECAUSE! Can Tyler Reed use his powers of lightning fast flight, and collect the TWO pieces of the mystic "triforce" to earn the ultimate weapon? The Master gun! Most importantly, can he become THE LINK between Planet Zelda and Earth? *Shows random shots that you cant make shit of like those movies you know suck just from the narration* ZELDA: THE LINK TO PLANET EVOLUTION! Moral: Still better than Dragon Ball Evolution...

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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A woman is terminally ill in the hospital and her family is trying to decide what her last meal should be. Her older sister suggests tea and the idea is accepted enthusiastically. The other sister suggests making jasmin tea and the ill woman's son also suggests toast. The woman's husband looks down at the orange he had just peeled for his wife and looks up at the rest of them. moments later he shoots the three of them and then himself. All were found dead. http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2012/01/11/food-tiff-ends-in-deaths.html

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Will you please answer one question for me? "Yes" Thank you. -walk away-

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What do you calk a couple of friends hanging out? An intimate get-together.

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Why did the monkey cross the road? It didn't. It died!

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Today, I was thirsty so I got in my kitchen and took a bottle of juice out of my refrigirator, I realised the bottle was empty, so I immediatly took a walk to the store and bought another bottle.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger at Terminator: Gaynysis (or whatever I wont bother checking that out) YA NEED TO REMUV THE QUANTANAMO TRANSLACATOR TO RELOCALIZAYSEE THE INTERDEEMENENTIONAL MAYTREX! Yes, Pops but what about the time travel Paradox? YOU NEEED TO REMOV THE CRISTAL PALARDOXAL WARCALIBREITOR IN ORDA TO DESINSTONYSE THE DEEMENTIAL CORDALOXEY! Me: *Leaving the cinema* Moral: If you thought the trailer was like "meh", then you will soon realize it was the best part off the movie... The only part that is meh, and while I can honestly say I dont understand shit about how timelines work in Terminator (The creators dont do it either) Having Arnold Fucking Swartsnigger go with the Geek lingo DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! To explain things to me, NOTHIIIIING!

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What did Pikachu say to Charmander? Nothing. Pokemon are fictional creatures, and thus, do not exist.

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What is black white and red all over A tree in black, white, and red paint.

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How many Jews does it take to bake a turkey using an oven, I don't know but it only takes one Jew to stuff one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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