Pull my finger ouch..

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Q) What's worse than getting dumped by text? A) Getting hit by a fridge.

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How do you keep your dog from running away? Put it on a leash.

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what did the chicken say to the other chicken? nothing, they dont talk.

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Why did Justin Bieber jump out of the airplane? He didn't, i pushed him

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Whats worse than spilling ketchup on your shirt? Getting hit by a bus

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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How many Jews fit in an oven? Nein

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I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

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What's a fun thing to do on a plane? Make a bolt to the pilot, smash his brains in with a iron pipe and make the plane plummet a few hundred feet with a maniacal laugh until you wake up from your dream and scream at your mother to wipe you.

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There is a blonde, a redhead, and a brunnette stuck on a deserted island. the redhead gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk the 100 miles back to shore. she begins swimming, gets 10 miles out, gets tired, and drowns. the brunnette gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk it too. she gets 50 miles, gets tired, and drowns. The blonde decides to escape as well. she is able to swim 98 miles, gets tired, and swims back.

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Man: Doctor, everything I touch hurts. Doctor: Okay. Let's test it out by first touching your leg. Man: It hurts. Doctor: What about your arm? Man: It hurts as much. Doctor: What about your back? Man: It still hurts. Doctor: I see......your fingers are broken.

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What's worse than falling off a horse? Falling off a cliff.

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How do you minimize the likelihood of theft? Take the derivative.

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whats funny about anti jokes? nothing hince the name ANTI.

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What does an orange and a lemon have in common? They are both orange, exept lemon

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Roses are black violets are black We are all black?! SHIT IM COLOUR BLIND

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What do you call a Black Man in the ocean? A scuba diver

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Why did the chicken cross the road? What does chicken mean?

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Two muffins were in an oven. One of them said, "It's sure hot in here!" The other muffin didn't respond because it's dead.

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When life gives you lemons you mix them with vinegar to make a drink that will help your high blood pressure.

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Why did the guy fail his driving test? He was blind.

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People are a lot like slinkies. Not really good for anything, but still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

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What did obama say to the united states of america YES WE CAN

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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