Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse..”

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So an irish man walks into a bar, 10 seconds later he is dead. What happened was there was a sharp piece of metal on the bar so is cut his throat and he bleed to death.

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I'm tired of hearing Holocaust jokes, Anne Frankly I'm disappointed.

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Q: Why is Rosie odonell fat? A: Because you are sexual attracted to small children.

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How do you confuse Helen Keller? You don't, she's dead.

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Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes A: Nothing - call an animal cruelty service

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There's a elf ,a peice of paper, and a pencil. What happens next? The elf writes on the paper.

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How do you kill a diabetic? Take away their insuline

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why did the duck cross the road? because his d**k was stuck in the chickens a**....

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What do u call a matthew vasquez with a guitar, a one man mariachi band... cuz he is mexican

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Why did Santa get stuck up a chimney? Because there was a family of possums living up there. They ripped his face off.

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Why did the boy loose his glass with milk? He got hit by a bus.

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why did the old lady come home late? she got raped.

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Why couldn't the black man support his family? He was the youngest child of 3 and already had a caring and supporting mother and father.

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How do you send Harry Potter a post card? Get an owl to send it to his house.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Peyton Peyton who? Peyton Manning

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What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for Christmas? The sweet, merciful release of death at the hands of his father, who had been struggling with the emotional and financial drain of raising a severely disabled child for many years. It was only a matter of time before the man snapped, as he was a single parent working twenty hour days, seven days a week, to just barely cover all the medical bills that the specialists and therapy incurred.

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What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Reeves Christopher

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How to kill a mocking bird? Stab it

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how do you put a elephant in a fridge? open it and put it inside. how do you put a lion in a frige? you take out the elephant and put in the lion. there is a meeting for all the animals in the world which animal doesnt go? the lion because he's in the fridge. a man callshis dog and it doesnt come why not? because its at the meeting

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Why did Christopher Columbus sail to America? Because sailing was faster than swimming.

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Malcolm Johnson from Zenith windows, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a while about some fantastic offers which we currently have on double glazed windows....

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Why didnt the boy eat his ice cream? Because he is dairy intolerant

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I don't want to share my name yet if that is okay, I mean I have not seen you, but you have seen me just saying. Tell me how old you are first, I am 26, or 27, being more or less an orphan since birth details like that kinda lose themselves. And no, its not Eliza, I will wait for you here if you do not mind, there are still people that have thought I am Nero all this while, that`s what worries me, I doubt I can convince them I am chatting with myself this time around.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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