A man died and went to heaven. Luckily, he was resuscitated by a trained medical professional, and after a stern warning from his doctor, he lost weight, limited the cholesterol in his diet, and went on to live a very happy and healthy life.

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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A man walks into a bar. It was a salad bar, so he left.

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What's white, warm, and dangerous? Cum.

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Why did little Suzie spill her drink? Since birth, she has lacked a jaw.

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Why did the man jump off a cliff? Because he was committing suicide.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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What do you get when you cross a cheetah and a zebra? A dead zebra.

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whats 2+2? math.

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How did the Mexican get into the United States? He showed his passport, and the correct documents & information, and was admitted into the country as a new American citizen.

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Q: What did the kid with no arms and legs get for christmas? A: Cancer

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Why was Rodney afraid of Chung Lee? Because Chung Lee is an intimidating person, capable of literally ripping your face off.

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Why did the drunk walk into the bar? Because he has a serious drinking problem.

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How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Because Goofy can walk on two legs, and is therefore superior to Pluto in Walt Disney's eyes.

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Yo mama is so poor I saw her kicking a can down the street and asked her what she was doing? Her reply was: Kicking a can down the street. What did you think she was doing? Moving?

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What can be said about a high school drop out who is 30, lives with his mom, and plays WoW all day? He is probably a very high level mage

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Q: How do you confuse more than 80% of the population? A: Mushrooms.

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Why did Sally fall off a tree? She wanted to get down

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Pete and Repete are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Pete suffers from a scraped knee and a bruised tailbone.

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What is worse than writing a really terrible joke on anti-joke.com? Death.

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What happenes if you put an elephant in the fridge? Nothing, it wouldnt fit.

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If you give a mouse a cookie... ...you're destroying its natural diet. It might die.

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In Soviet Russia life had both pros and cons.

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Q: How do you get an elephant in a refrigerator in three easy steps? A: You open the refrigerator door, you put the elephant inside, you close the refrigerator door. Q": How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator in four easy steps? A": You open the refrigerator door, you take the elephant out, you put the giraffe inside, you close the refrigerator door.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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