Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? BECAUSE HE WAS DEAD.

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roses are red, violets are blue, your boyfriends thinks i'm hot that's why he dumped you

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Why did Sally fall off the swingset? she had no arms... Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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If the Earth is square, why are trees smart? because you touch yourself at night

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Q: what's blue and kills you when it falls from the sky? A: a whale no shit

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Many people believe that dogs are mammals. They're right

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roses are red violets are blue, every 1 looks at you and call u a fool

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How do you get girls to watch a crappy movie? Tell them Taylor Lautner is in it.

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Why didn't the family finish their picnic? Because a dog was sick all over the food.

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Why doesn't Micheal Jackson do a music video with Usher? Because he is dead.

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I went to the doctor and explained to him, "My penis fell off." The doctor gives me an odd look, and then chops his off to make me feel better.

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Q: Were did suzy go after the explosion? A: Everywere

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what do you call 69 babies in one room? a room full of babies

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from south park what do u call a jew on a rope no one ever said the answer, so my answer is a jew on a rope.

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A farmer has 17 sheep standing in a field and all but 9 drop down and die. How many sheep are left? It doesn't matter. A CIA sniper guns the farmer down, along with his family and the remaining sheep. The other agents move in and remove all evidence that the government is experimenting with a new nerve agent.

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1)Did you hear about the sick juggler? 2)No... 1) He just couldn't stop throwing up!!!! 2)Oh no!! Is he ok?? 1)He's dead. 2)HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA c&h

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Why didn't the little boy have arms or legs? Because they were savagely ripped off of him by a black bear on a very unfortunate camping trip.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Yo momma's so stupid she comes up in a lot of jokes titled "yo momma jokes"

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Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he found out the oreo he slept with last night had aids and he wanted to make sure he didnt get the deadly disease so he went to the doctor to get tested.

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your mother is a well respected woman in society and makes delicious cookies.

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Knock knock Who the fuck says knock knock?

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Q:So there's a black guy and a mexican sitting in a car...who's driving? A: The Cop

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What did the driver have when he got hit by another car? An accident.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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