What did the little boy with no arms get for cristmas? A football.

What squirts out of your butt and runs down your leg? Bloody diarrhea.

what did one lady say to another lady we are both ladies

jim is constantly asking bob the same questions, bob brings this to attention and suggests that jim might have amnesia. jim agrees and they move on iwth the conversation. minutes later jim asks a simaler question brought to attention earlier because he has amnesia

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? The tea he was drinking was at an unsuitable temperature for consumption resulting in the scalding of his mouth.

A man with Azheim - Eh, I forgot what it was called.

A human walked into a bar, The bartender quacked, "quack quack quack" The human wondered why all the patrons and the bartender were ducks, so he left the bar, before his head spontaneously exploded.

What's the best thing about twenty three year olds? There's twenty of them

Why did the boy commit scuicide? Because he was mentaly scared due to constant tormenting and teasing from his friends

If a tree falls on a woman and there's no one around to hear her scream why did a tree fall in the kitchen?

Why did the book fly to Cambodia? It was on a plane that was delivering educational material to third world countries to enhance their schools and increase their literacy.

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Lololol

why was the little girl crying in her dads arms? Because he was strangling her

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender immediately shoots it in the face with a double barrel shotgun, ending the rabid animal's life

One time i was in north philly and bought milk, then i came home and drank it.

What drops its lunch every day? Yo mom

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Can you guess what one black child got while passing through an all-white neighborhood in the middle of the night? Home safely.

My girlfriend dumped me because I'm patronizing. That means I treat people like they're stupid.

MOOOOOOOOOOO

A bishop died and went to heaven. At the Pearly gates he sees Saint Peter , so he says to Peter "All my life I've been a committed Christian, but I just before I died I was tempted by a woman of ill repute". Saint Peter says "This is just an illusion, your dying brain is merely conjuring up images based on your presuppositions of an 'afterlife'. You have about three seconds left"

what do you get when you cross a turkey with a goat? nothing you can't cross to genetically different spieces stupid

I used to have an ugly,black and disabled man as a friend. However, he had a very nasty personality so we are no longer friends.