Two Muffins in an oven One muffin looks at the other muffin and says: "Oohhhh it's hot in here!". Then the other muffin says: "Oohhhh a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What would happen if an asian guy and a black guy had a baby? Nothing. It is impossible for a baby to be born since men produce sperm cells not egg cells and for a fetus to form, you need an egg and a sperm, so you would need a male and a female so since they are both men it is physically impossible for them to produce a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: How did the woman die in the black neighborhood? A: She suffered a fatal heart attack while visiting one of her friends. Everyone mourned their loss.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What happened after the lawer jumped off the bridge? His family mourned his loss for years.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man goes to an amusement park. He heads straight for the roller-coaster and gets in line. When he gets to the front, the ride operator informs him that he is too short to ride. "You must be at least 48 inches, sir, you just barely miss the mark, I'm sorry, I can't let you ride." The man is sad, but he doesn't let this little discrepancy ruin his day. He then gets in line for a different ride.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did one tree say to the other? "Hey Phil, how's it going?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man went to his doctor and said, "Doctor, every time I hit my hand with a hammer, it hurts!" Then both him and his doctor died; so it didn't matter.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Yo mama has had so many kidney stones she has to be on a water diet.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do you kill a blonde? Drench her in fluoroantimonic acid and watch her explode in a violent and gruesome death.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

knock knock who's there boo boo who why are you crying it's just a joke

thumb_up thumb_down +6

how does hitler drink soup ? with a spoon

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Your Mom

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Say the line below sixteen times very fast: I like to find threes and peel of their... BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK... Done? Good boy!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the penis enter the vagina? They were trying for a baby

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I've had Alzheimer's for as long as I can remember... So since yesterday.... CHAYOTE ASTRONAUT SPACE SAY WHAT?!?!?!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's black and always in the back of a cop car? The seat.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why wasn't the TV remote working? It was out of batteries.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There was a two car pile up at wal-mart. 50 mexicans were killed.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats worse than not having cellphone service? Having sex unwillingly with a stranger then getting pregnant at the age of 13.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What happens when you catch a cold? You sneeze whenever you stand up.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Gandalf and Dumbledore had a son, her name wasn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why couldn't Sophie brush her hair? She had leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops