Why did the Mexican cut his neighbor's lawn? His neighbor cut his lawn the previous week.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why dont you throw rocks at a mexican on a bike? its unethical and can severely hurt the individual on the bike

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the robber wear a mask? Because he had eczema.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A Muslim man walks away from a populated area leaving his briefcase behind. After a few minutes he returns because he forgot his briefcase.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit him with an ax.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

"What starts with an 'F' and ends with 'uck'?" "I don't know, what?" "'Firetruck.'"

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call the man with no arms and no legs? Jeff. Because that's his ****ing name.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

So three Jews walk into a Biker Bar. Despite the fact that is was a self-proclaimed "Biker Bar", the group of men inside were in fact rather open-minded, and had no issues with new members. They had a rich conversation, and frequented the bar thereafter.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

I have adhd theref- hey look a dandelion

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you get a tower to move? Hit it with a plane.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why was the girl sad on her Birthday? She found out she was adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

My name is Harry.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What are the seven wonders of Kentuky cows,drugs,liquor,moutain due,moster trucks,shot guns and trucks oh and I for got Crackle barrle.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How long does it take a woman to park a car? Shouldn't take long, depends on the size of the parking spot.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

whats funnier than a dead musim? a guy who begs a girl to go out with him for 16 hours

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why was the black guy charged for murder? He killed his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the skinny man say to the fat woman. That sucks.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did Alex fall off the swing? he had no arms

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did Mr. Moseley choose to not buy crest toothpaste this month? Because your daughter got an abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

what does mandy enjoy on weekends a load of cum in her face

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Unless this event results in you being a vegetable.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops