What do you call a person with no legs and an eyepatch? Names.

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I'm Batman.

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What did the blind kid that couldn't talk get for Christmas Cancer

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A black man with a blond beard came to deliver me a pizza. I paid him, tipped him, and closed my door. I forgot the pizza. Dammit.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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What can move people but not rocks.. Poop

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Why was the man eaten by a tiger? Because tigers are carnivores, but why are they carnivores? Because they eat meat.

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How do you kill a blonde? Choke her.

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A young man was lost wandering in a field, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a scary southern man with a shotgun in hands. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will shoot you with this shotgun." He couldn't have sex with the daughter anyway because he has severe erectile dysfunction.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones, But words can leave deep psychological wounds that may never heal.

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Why does Timmy Teblow love penis? Logan Cole made him do it.

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why did michael jackson write black or white he didnt want black people to copy him

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what did the mushroom say to the other mushroom? nothing, mushrooms can't talk

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What did the apple say to the pear? Fred, you are going insane and i'm getting a divorce.

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what's 6 inches long and women love? my penis

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A man walks into the kitchen tells the woman to make him a sandwich and walks out.

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Alzheimer. Who?

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What do you call a creepy person trying to break into your house? A robber

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What was big and stiff A 30cm ruler

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Whats worse than the Holocaust. A worm in your apple.

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How did the girl get her Mardi Gras beads? She purchased them at a reasonable price from a party store.

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Hickory dickory dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one; The other escaped with minor injuries.

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What's black, white and red and can't turn round in corridors? A nun with a spear through her head

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How many kids does it take to get a day off of school? ...26

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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