roses are red. violets are violet...

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what makes the world go round? An axis (just jokin, its COFFEE)

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Whats 10-5(45+76)? please help my homework is due next class and i am currently to busy worrying about my dad's cancer to think about this problem.

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What do you call a lazy good-for-nothing who can't succed at anything, steals your money, and who is unskilled in every way? A women

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Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

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What's the difference between a BMW and a murder victim? I don't have a BMW in my garage.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because people have encroached on it's natural habitat.

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When you give your homecoming date flowers, you're really handing them a bouquet of sex organs

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why did the car drive off the cliff? The driver was a potato...

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Knock knock. Who's there? The pizza delivery guy. Oh hi.

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Whats worse than purple nurples? Having the period

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nipple

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Knock Knock whose there brian Brian who oh because im chinese you assume my second name is Hu? terribly sorry theres been a misunderstanding, i was asking you surname, i should have been more specific! No it my fault, i dont know why i overreacted my second name is Hu its ok, what can i do for you? is it allright to come in for some noodles? are you paying? only a reasonable price ok then, dont see why not

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Did i just hear a joke about birds? No? Well this is Hawkward.

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What did Obama say to Hilary? Will you be my secretary of state?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There I no road.

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I just can't stand sitting down!

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Roses are red, Violets aren't blue, They're fucking violet, And I hate you.

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Doctor, Doctor, I feel like I don't know anyone... Uh...who are you?

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Why do you always find a dead baby in the last place you look? Because once you've found it, you stop looking.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? This joke.

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Why cant helen keller drive Because shes a woman

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a blond was walking across a river thinking how do I get across. when she saw another blond. and asked how do I get to the other side and the other said your already on the other side.

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How do you make bread out of corpses? You don't. You grow it with bread seeds.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops