Woman: If you were my husband, I've give you poisoned wine. Winston Churchill: Madame, if you were my wife, I would hope we could have enough love to attempt marriage counseling so as to work out these issues.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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What is the difference between a doorknob? Toast.

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Do Minnesotans have accents? Oh ya, you betchya.

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9/11/2001

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what's funnier than a dead baby? a lot of less tragic things

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's blind. Also, she's been dead for 43 years.

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Q - what did one plate say to the other? A - FOods on me tonight!

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how many Pikachu's can you get in a mini? 14.

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What do you do when a blond ask you a question? Answer politely and thank her for her wonderful question.

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Why did the man drink the milk? Because he was a baby.

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a

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What did the cow say to his friend? Moo.

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Roses are gray. Violets are gray. I am a dog.

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if a cat is mean and a dogs a bitch then what do u call your wife? A MEAN ASS BITCH

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What do you get when mix an orange with juice? Orange juice.

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The bird is not the word.... Its two

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well neither has he.

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A man walks into a bar, and orders a drink. He reaches into his back pocket, but cannot find his wallet. The man was pick pocketed by a skilled thief on his walk to the bar. The man quickly makes calls to cancel his credit cards and minimize the financial loss.

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what is the awesomest of them all? me

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what do you call a black guy fixing your electricity an electrician

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What is the most hardest math known to man kind? 1+1=?

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Why is a black man fat? Because he eats a lot.

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What's the difference between a duck and a belt? One floats in water and I don't remember the rest but you are a whore.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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