how do you make time fly? throw a clock out a window.

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Have you heard the one about the Priest, the Pastor, and the Mail Man? -no, how's that go? Oh you haven't? That's too bad, it's really good.

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Let's get some comments on this one! Everyone add a comment with a quote from a movie! I'll thumbs-up the best comments!

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why did the kid strike out in baseball he had leprosy and his arms were amputated

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I can't remember if I have Azheimer's or not.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Boo Radley.

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How do you get a dog to obey your rules?¿¿? Threaten to beat it with a rod!¡!

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Why couldn't the child with down syndrome zip up their jacket.... it was a button jacket ... you asshole

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a truck. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. Why did Sally fall of the swings? She had no arms. Why didn't Jimmy help her up? Jimmy is a fish. There's a guy with no arms and no legs who loves to swim. What's his name? Bob. Ya know Bob's twin brother is in the same condition. He loves to play in the leaves. And what's his name? Russell. Why couldn't Sally swing on the swing? She had no arms. What did the girls mom tell her to do before she went to bed? Go to bed. How do you wake up Will Ferrell? You set his alarm clock to a reasonable hour. What did the fat man who had his car stolen tell the police? Someone stole my car.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Pokerface.

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Why does the same anti-jokes pop up over and over again? Because people have no creativity.

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What happened the homeless guy's home? A meteor fell on it.

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Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

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How many ecotards does it take to change a light globe? Ve Vill Change all ze light globes to use;less grey vuns and you vill luv it or else ve vill kill you to save ze planet

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Knock knock. Who's there? Apple. Apple who? Apple juice.

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Why did Jimmy cross the road? Because a chicken was about to cross the road, and he wanted to be kind and help the old 72-aged chicken get across the road. Because Jimmy had a grandfather that passed away because he was too old and nobody helped him cross the road. Jimmy is haunted by that memory and doesn't want that to happen to anyone else. Especially a chicken.... Also there were no cars and his best friend chicken was on the other side waiting for him.

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The only time when white and black are together When I've just taken a shit! ?ttis

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Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Fool me 3 times, oh now you're just being a jerk

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My mom told me and my brother to lean up on a commercial...we were watching netflix

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? He wasn't.

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Whats the opposite of red? Fish!

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a kid was running across the street. he just got hit by a truck

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Why is it so bad that the bus fell off the cliff? All my friends were on it.

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what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? we are both lawyers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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