The police shouldn't have cars. They should use skateboards and use flowers as their gun. When they catch a criminal in the act, they have to hug him before sending him to prison

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"I'm gonna fight fire with fire!" "won't you just get more fire?" "True..."

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A Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim walk into a bar. A good time was had by all, until closing time.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? - Probably about 5 or 6, depending on the car.

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What did the little boy want to be when he grew up? A cone

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Who's Juan? DIS ONE

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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A man walks into a bar with a giant banana as a head and the bartender asks why he has a giant banana as a head and the man says get me a drink and i will explain, the bartender got the man a drink and he started to explain why, so i found this real nice golden lamp and i rubbed it next thing you know this genie pops out and he said i get three wishes the first one he wishes for unlimited wealth with a snap of the genies fingers the wish came true next he wished to be the most handsome man ever with a spin and a snap the wish came true but this is where it went wrong, I said to the genie and i cant believe he got me with this one (because genies always put a twist on things) i said: i wish for my head to be a banana

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Knock! Knock! Who's there? Russel. Russell who? Russell Johnson. Oh, come in.

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Why couldn't the Jew get pregnant? Because he was man.

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim are on a plane to France. When they arrive in Paris one will go visit a friend who recently found inspiration in the many magical streets of the city and is in the middle of a year abroad. Another will search for a job and home to support himself and any future family that he might choose to have in the future. The last will check into a hotel and proceed to have a wonderful time seeing all the sights that Paris has to offer.

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Knock Knock Who's there? You You Who? Yes? Can I help you madam?

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What did the shit covered people licking each others scrotums call themselves? The Aristocrats

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What does it take to make the best anti-joke ever? not this

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Roses are red, Violets are red, I have a dead body, What do I do.

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Where do penguins keep their money? No where. Penguins don't have a money economy

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What did the coat say to the dog? Nothing, the coat was inanimate

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What's the relationship between a frog and a building? They have nothing to do with each other so stop trying to figure out this query.

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Why are humans and squirrels the same? They both live in trees except for the human

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What do you call a hamburger with nothing inside of it? A virgin.

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What do a bike and a duck have in common? They both have handlebars except for the duck.

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What did Batman say to Robin to get in the car? Get in the car.

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A women was driving along in her brand new, swanky, red ferrari when she spotted a red light in the distance. She stopped steadily, following the rules of the road. All of a sudden a loud bang came from behind her where a young driver had hit her at 50 mph. They both come to an abrupt stop and exited their vehicles. The women says "Idiot, you just hit me!" The boys says "oh don't worry, I have insurance."

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Q: Wanna hear a dirty joke? A: A kid fell in the mud.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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