In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are taking a chemistry exam. They each get a solid B on the test.

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What do you call black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist bastard

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What did the horse say to the man? The man woke up from his dream so he didn't know either

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? - Probably about 5 or 6, depending on the car.

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What do you call a blackjack man driving a car? An average citizen.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It didn't.

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My friend is a famous actor. Fooled you! I have no friends.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because six cheated on seven and slept with nine.

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What succeeds most of the time? The population of a field with grass.

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What happened when the man asked the girl if he could borrow her pencil? Nothing, she was deaf

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If Michelle rides her bike at 15 mph for 20 minutes and Erik rides his bike at 20 mph for 12 minutes, why is Michelle not in the kitchen?

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Why did the crocodile cross the road? It is actually highly improbable that such a large reptile would be in a residential area where such roads would exist.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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I admit I don't know what the future holds, but one thing I know for sure is that... Lance Armstrong has only one ball.

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If you say "Hi" to every tree you pass, is that being environmentally friendly?

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knock knock who's there? pizza man ok

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Q: Why were minorities denied access to the bathroom? A: It was for employees only.

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What happened to the girl that thought she was a mermaid? She drowned, humans can't breathe under water.

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Teachers be like "Hold on class, I am almost done with my lesson!" Students: " Aint nobody got time 4 dat!"

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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What do you call a dear with no eyes? A no-idear

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Your momma soo fat.... that if she doesnt start exercising and eating right she will be more likely to get adult onset diabetes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops