What did the captain say to the priest? We're on a boat.

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Why was the cat unable to drink its milk? He was stapled to the wall

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I got 99 problems, and most of them involve my terminal illness.

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Want to hear a joke? Too bad.

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Why did the bear turn red? Because I fucking stabbed it!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Fruit loops.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Physics. Why did Tommy fall of his bike? He was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator.

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What did the Colombian say to the Peruvian? Quieres lleyo?

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A shoemaker walks into a bar holding a shoebox with only one shoe inside. The bartender gives him a drink and asks "Say mister, why are you carrying that shoebox with one shoe?" The shoemaker says "Well sir, it's a long story." The bartender says "Okay, give me the short version." The shoemaker says "Okay, long story short, I'm not really a shoemaker." The bartender asks "Well buddy, what are ya?" The shoemaker gets up from his chair and says "I'm a guy missing shoe."

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Bigfoot, the loch ness monster, and self-respecting Justin Beiber fans are all the same, your told they exist, it's not true.

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Pretend you are in a box and there is no way out. How do you get out? You don't

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What did the hand say to the face? Nothing because body parts cannot speak.

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Why did the man cry himself to sleep at night? Because the doctors gave him 3 months to live.

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my own dog bit my penis off, it was then put down. it was the worst day of my life.

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I have read and agree to the Terms of Service.

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When it comes ro the zodiac my grandmother was a cancer and... She ws killed by... A giant crab

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Hey man, you the tall one! Yes? Do you understand me? No. But you do overstand me right? Yeah, I overstand most people.

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Why did the lion get lost? Because the jungle is massive

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Yo Mama is so fat that she should probably make an appointment with a bariatric surgeon.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? That is none of your concern as it invades his freedom of privacy.

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What happened to the kids bike? It broke when he got hit by a bus

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What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? Don't be ridiculous. First of all, scientifically this is near impossible and secondly, what use would a kangaroo with wool be? Sheepdogs would become obsolete and they would be a nightmare to shear. Imbecile.

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Why did the black man get laid off? His company was no longer doing well and he was not needed.

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Ask me if I'm a tree "are you a tree?" No

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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