Q: Why did the purple cantalope eat the curtains at midnight? A: Sassafrass.

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What did the elephant say to the pelican? He didn't say anything. I lied.

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Q: what did the man with no eyes get for Chrismas? A: Reading glasses

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why did bob eat the cookie? because he was hungry

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Yo mom is so stinky that when she gets in a room every one leaves the room

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Your momma is so fat, she should be concerned about her increased risk if a heart attack because of her poor eating habits.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? AIDs.

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why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was taped to the first one why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? it didn't

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Q: why did Suzy fall off the swing? A: she had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Suzy.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? a guy who copies antijokes on ant joke.com

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How do you kill a retard? Give him a knife and say "who's special?"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was a turkey, idiot.

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I can prove I'm a psychic - this post is going to receive a lot of dislikes.

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what did joe eat for breakfast? he didn't eat, joe is schizophrenic steve's best friend

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A redhead and a blonde both go out to smoke a cigarette. They are both at risk of lung cancer.

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Guess what what?? chicken butt!!!!!

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A man fell in a hole. He's dead now...

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Why was the black man hanging from the tree? He fell and had to grab a branch.

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What's a good way to kill time? It's impossible to kill an inanimate object.

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A white guy drives to Home Depot in order to get supplies for remodeling his kitchen. He notices a few Mexicans standing around outside. He decides not to racially profile them and continues on his own business.

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Yes 59 10 away from my faverite number....... 49

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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"i once had a rabbit named socks.he was a funny little fellow until one day he got over excited and...well..." "did he...i mean..you know..did he...?" "what?lose a claw,throw up, sit in a pan of warm water until he calmed down?" "yeah! :)" "yes...but then he died."

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A man bets that his friend can't drink five beers in a row. His friend does it and says "See, I told you I can do it!" The man replies "No, I can't see, I'm blind."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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