Guy: I have a gun get in my van Girl: SHOTGUN!

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roses are red violets are blue they really are

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Who the hell knows..?

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What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge

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What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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A priest, a rabbi and a scientologist walk into a bar. They discuss their various religious viewpoints until the scientologist gets a call informing him of his mother's death. The priest buys him a drink. Then the priest gets a call informing him of his mothers death. The rabbi buys him a drink. The rabbi gets a call. The scientologist expects it to be about the rabbi's mother dying, so he prematurely buys him a drink. It was actually the lottery commission telling the rabbi he won 48 million dollars.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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Why did the teacher arrive late for class? Because his father had a stroke the night before, and they had to rush to the hospital and because of exhaustion, he missed the bus, and arrived ten minutes late.

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Why does the chicken cross the road? 4

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who's specky and stinks of shit? josh moran

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"How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door." "How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door." "The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which one?" "The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator." "There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat." "You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting."

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Jesus Christ

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Roses are red Violets are blue I love you a lot But you're dead and I have unhealthy necrophiliac tendencies

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whats the best anti joke ever? mine you dipshit

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I was going to write a joke about procrastination, but I haven't gotten to it yet.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Just use the peephole. I am.

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A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, drinks it, and leaves.

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My wife is so fat that I find her unattractive.

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Who was the best Call of Duty World at War Player? A: Hitler he had 6 million kills and only 1 death

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What's blue and smells like sky? Sky

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What does a Twihard, a Brony, a Belieber and a Gleek all have in common? They all ruin the Internet.

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What's better than winning the Special Olympics? ...Not being retarted.

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What do Ethiopians do on Fridays? Starve.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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