What does Obama, the President of the United States of America see when he closes his eyes? His eyelids

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If your mom is a teacher and your dad is a gynecologist, how many pancakes does it take to stack on top of a dog house roof? 12. Because footballs don't have feathers.

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Gordon Brown smiles.

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Q: What did the homeless man get on his Birthday? A: Hypothermia.

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A man walks into a bar

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If you want to make the little things count, teach midgets maths!

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A man was driving down the road and was swerving, a cop stops him and asks him to walk in a straight line, believing him to be drunk. The man replies "I can't, I've been blind since I was a child."

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What would kill a Muslim if they were to ingest it? Arsenic

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What time is it when you run out of ice cream? Time to get more ice cream.

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Roses are green. Violets are purple. Charlie Sheen. Looks a turtle.

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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck oak? Well, If an oatmeal man could oat chuck oat, then a wood oat chucker could chuck oats.

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How do you piss off a redneck? You wait until he is done fucking his sister and then you steal his truck.

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Doctor, I keep believing I am stuck in the Matrix! Oh thats common, you know existencial crisis and so on but we got medications, you want the blue or the red pill?

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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FIONN'S ECONOMICS GRADE

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Why did little jimmy fall of his bike? His grandma threw the refrigarator at him.

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Why did John not like his chocolate? It wasn't chocolate it was poop.

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Golf.

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What looks like a rainbow but isn't seen in the sky? A drawing of a rainbow

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Why did the clown's ballon animal pop? He was a victim in a drive by shooting.

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roses are red voliets are blue u actule thought i would cry over you!

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Who ate my sandwich? The office appliance that fell from the sky.

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Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

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What's worse than finding a fly in your soup? Being raped... What's worse than being raped? The Holocaust What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding two flies in your soup

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops