Why were Billy's parents laughing at him? Because he was just diagnosed with cancer!

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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A horse walks into a bar. Just kidding, it's a panda.

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Situation: 2 cows eating grass on a warm Sunday night. Question: Why does 9+4=3 1/2? Answer: 69!

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an old lady walked into a bar, used the bathroom and left. THE END

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Q: What did the Jew get for Christmas? A: Nothing you dumbass, Jews don't celebrate Christmas.

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Did you know? that if you were to stretch out all your organs to see how far theyd stretch? youd die.

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Q: What do you call those assholes who always volunteer in lectures? A: Assholes. Fcuking assholes. They created the word asshole. Assholes

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Whats black and white and red all over?.. The L.A. Race Riots.

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BTW ANders she is gone, read below, seriously! And your mother is ugly, but she is so kind to me, so ill be nice to her too... Seducing a LONE WIDOW ME 32 years she... 180 and always blushing around me? Thats gonna be hard... No seriously, I kissed her on the cheek the other day, she moaned... And she aint that old... looks like a old 40 year old. ANDERS! AAAANDEERS! CHATTERTON!!! Anyway, tell your mom, that way Ill just need to enter, kill you, and you know... make her feel like she is ... 77 again? Nah she is ahornbag so she must be younger, wont kiss her on those lips though ANDERSSSss because she smokes, the others? Sure, Ill take a pic of her squirting! From the guy that taught you how to make any woman squirt... YOu fucking asshole!

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What would Chuck Norris do if you insulted him? Nothing. He probably doesn't have time for such foolishness.

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A man walks into a bar with a giant banana as a head and the bartender asks why he has a giant banana as a head and the man says get me a drink and i will explain, the bartender got the man a drink and he started to explain why, so i found this real nice golden lamp and i rubbed it next thing you know this genie pops out and he said i get three wishes the first one he wishes for unlimited wealth with a snap of the genies fingers the wish came true next he wished to be the most handsome man ever with a spin and a snap the wish came true but this is where it went wrong, I said to the genie and i cant believe he got me with this one (because genies always put a twist on things) i said: i wish for my head to be a banana

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A duct walks into a bar. The writer meant to write duck and then proceed to make a clever joke but instead a typo was made and a very unlikely occurence was writtern about considering air passages are not capable of walking and would most likely already be in the ceiling of the bar as too bring fresh air into the bar is important.

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Why was the chair sad? It wasn't, for chairs do not posses the proper attributes to feel emotions such as depression.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown, sued the water company, bought a huge settlement and ran off with that slut Little Bo Peep.

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Why did the chicken get hit by a bus? He tried to cross the road.

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What is yellow, and cannot swim? A School Bus.

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-Knock knock. ~Use the doorbell. -Ding dong. ~The witch is dead!

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What do you call a white man? A caucasian male.

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What did the black father get his child for Christmas? A Yo-Yo. Actually, never-mind, he doesn't know his father.

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What do you call a black person who flies a plane? A pilot.. You racist bastard.

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How did Bella fly? Very badly.

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Who the hell is Femi Otedola?

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Yo momma so fat, she's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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