Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

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Why did the kid lay down? Because his legs were chopped off

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock, whos there? Not sally

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What do George Washington, JFK and Hillary Clinton have in common? They've never been to my house.

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What did the stick of butter say to the lemon? "I'm a stick of butter"

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What do you call a midget driving a train? A conductor

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"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

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whats wores than eating a vag. a gaint vag eating you.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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We can consider a wind turbine as a great ventilator that produces heat.

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It's okay we all love you, except me, and everyone else.

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Your mother is so fat that she has to undergo amputation of her foot because of type 2 diabetes.

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there were ten in the bed and the little one said roll over so they all rolled over and one fell out then got back up and punched the little one in the face saying good night

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Knock Knock Who's there? Ken. Can I some and use your toilet, I really need a shit.

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What came first? The chicken or the egg? The egg, because breakfast comes before dinner.

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Q. What's yellow and looks like a duck? A. a baby duck

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding worms in your stool.

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What happened when the young child fell off of the swing? He broke open his head causing him to be sent to the hospital for 3 weeks.

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Roses are gray, Violets are gray, I'm colorblind, I hate my life

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit by a truck.

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How do you call a guy that ran over 10 children A bad driver

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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