Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was shot.

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two guys r talking and the one said *i swear to god* and the other one said *u swear what to god what the hell r u talking about i dont even know u*

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So you keep your knowledge sharp do you? When it comes to hypnosis and such?

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Why are Chinese women such bad drivers? Only company executives are fortunate enough to own cars in communist China. Furthermore, women are still in a subordinate class in many Eastern societies.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van

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Worms don't like apples.

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A duck walks into a doctor's office. Quack.

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Why did Amy fall out of the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. (Who's there?) Not Amy.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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Whats the difference between Amanda and Brittaney spears? Nothing, they are both worthless sluts

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How many orangoutangs does it take to screw in a light bulb? 16; mongoloid

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Why did Justin Bieber wake up Lady Gaga? He needed to ask her a question.

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How many squirrels does it take to change a lightbulb? 42.

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are u black unlucky

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Whats the worst thing your parents could ever do to a teenager? Take there phone.

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Q: What did the prostitute ask the officer? A: Where were you stationed? I have a lot of respect for our boys in the Middle East.

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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Grandpa loved a good joke, he died laughing. The doctor said it was a severe stroke probably brought on by smoking aggravated by high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

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Watch he thinks he can out wit me watch adams next joke it will suck sooooo bad

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? Because her husband was abusive and he killed her for not making him a sandwich. They had to take the body the the funeral home so she could have a proper ceremony. Her friends and family mourned her daeth.

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Q:What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: Where's my tractor?

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Why was the boy adopted........ because hes grandad

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Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Oh wait I shouldn't tell you, it's too long

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Why was the boy sad? I don't know, what do think I am? An umbrella? Why would you even think FOR A MOMENT that it's OK to just ASK me random stuff? Do you have ANY IDEA who I am?! I'm your worst nightmare, and if you ever ask me ANYTHING without permission again, or so help me I will drown the nearest pet goldfish. P.S. His cat died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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