The Dali Lama walks into a pizza parlor and asks the owner to make him one with everything. After 20 minutes or so the owner brings the Dali Lama a pizza with every available topping. After he finished eating the Dali Lama thanked the owner and left a nice tip.

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What do you get when you cross a badger and a paper bag? The badger is cross of course but the bag is inanimate and can't be angered.

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Why couldn't Mary see the painting? Because she had no face.

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Why can't Michel Jackson play chess? He's dead

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Yo' momma is so old she should probably go to the doctor and check her health so she can live a longer, more healthy life.

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What fruit is used to make apple juice? Apples

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Why did the Chicken become a medium? To talk to the other side.

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A man takes a bite into a tuna casserole and burns his tounge. He is also a hermaphradite.

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I've climbed through your window, I'm under your bed.

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A my dog was a rappa. He recorded a hit. But it had no lyrics, because he is a dog.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What can be smooth but also rough? Endoplasmic Reticulum

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? she had no arms Knock Knock Who's There not the girl

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Why did the chiken cross the road? idk, i can't talk to chikens

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A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, who's driving? The taxi driver.

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A horse walks into a bar. The Barman asks "why the long face?" The horse says "My son was recently killed in a horrific horse racing accident"

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PLEASE HELP IM TRAPPED IN SOME GUYS HOUSE PLEASE SOMEBODY HAS TO SEE THIS IF I TEXT HE WILL SEE IT IM AT

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they say a rolling stone gathers... speed until it reaches maximum potential speed and cannot go any faster.

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why did suzie fall off the swing? she had no arms why did suzie get hit by a bus? she was blind knock knock whos there? not suzie.

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whats yellow and very big? I dont know. no one will tell me

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Did you hear about the man who played the lottery? He lost.

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Why are the deserts so dry? Obama

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what does pedobear get for christmas ? nothing he's the one giving love to all kids .

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What's big fat and hairy? Peter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops