what did little johnny scream at the xbox after he lost a game? god what the hell! Muskcrat143 i told u to cover my back when i had my predator missile! now my covers blown and i lost my killstreak! god u suck so much and Hippo099 why didn't u kill them before they got a killstreak like wtf!!! i told u to use ur semtex cause i had a claymore set down jeez u guys suck i'm leaving.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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What is the meaning of life? Definitions of life on the Web: a characteristic state or mode of living; "social life"; "city life"; "real life" the experience of being alive; the course of human events and activities; "he could no longer cope with the complexities of life" the course of existence of an individual; the actions and events that occur in living; "he hoped for a new life in Australia"; "he wanted to live his own life without interference from others" animation: the condition of living or the state of being alive; "while there's life there's hope"; "life depends on many chemical and physical processes" the period during which something is functional (as between birth and death); "the battery had a short life"; "he lived a long and happy life" the period between birth and the present time; "I have known him all his life" the period from the present until death; "he appointed himself emperor for life" a living person; "his heroism saved a life" liveliness: animation and energy in action or expression; "it was a heavy play and the actors tried in vain to give life to it" living things collectively; "the oceans are teeming with life" the organic phenomenon that distinguishes living organisms from nonliving ones; "there is no life on the moon" biography: an account of the series of events making up a person's life a motive for living; "pottery was his life" life sentence: a prison term lasting as long as the prisoner lives; "he got life for killing the guard"

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A man walks into a bar after a hard day of work, and he meets this girl and they really kick it off, so the girl says, "lets go somewhere more, private" and they both go to a more secluded bar that has less decibels of noise.

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-What animal has the best vision? -I hate when you try to talk dirty during sex

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What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

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Wanna know how to confuse a black guy? Give him a fried chicken sandwich with mayo on it.

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Q: What is better than Vagina? A: Nothing

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What did the father give to his son with terminal cancer for his 5th birthday? Nothing the kids going to die anyway

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An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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A 3 year old child walks into his parents having intercorce the child asked "mommy what were you and daddy doing" she says "sex" the child was scarred for life.

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What did the black kid get on his report card? Math: C- English: D+ Social Studies: C+ Gym:A+ Science: D- N.P.P.

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Jesse uses a prescription shampoo called " greasey poop" because he feels like his hair doesnt look greasy enough. He cries himself asleep every night because he wants a slim body like the rest of the cool kids, so he eats his pain away, which digs him an even deeper hole. the life of Jesse zigenbein is quite tragic to say the least. Please donate 10$ to the "eat ourselves to sleep" campaign

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Two men are fighting in a boxing match. One gets punched in the crouch, cries, and goes home to watch "The Simpsons".

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Two girls were taken away mysteriously in the night. The next day, no one cared because they were orphans.

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What is it... Michael J Fox has a small one, modonna doesnt have one, Arnold Shwatznegger has a long one, the pope doesn't use his, and bill clinton uses his a lot. A last name

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense?....

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A man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian quickly picks out such a book and hands it to him, because to deny him the book would break the conventions of a library.

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What is the hottest day of the week? Wednesday

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kids make accidents in the backseat of your car but u and your wife made an accident in the backseat and thats how you got that rottten troll that makes accidents in the car!!

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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Why was the man afraid of the fish? He had ichthyophobia.

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Why couldn't the turtle swim? Because he went too close to an oil spill, the petroleum got into his mouth and coated his lungs and he is now dead.

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What was so funny about my sister getting raped? Nothing, there's never anything funny about someone getting raped, especially when it is a close friend or family member

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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