Q: How to make a man who suffers from hypochondria want to kill himself? A: You take a shet on his face.

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Why did the rooster cross the road? Because he wanted to prove he wasn't a chicken.

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What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

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There are 4 people in a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes. But, the teenage girl says she is depressed and cannot go on. The older woman breaks down into tears because she is reminded of her rough child hood. The two 21 year old twins start crying, too, because they were corrupted by their alcoholic father who would come home and abuse their family. As they were all crying, the two pilots and the flight attendant took the parachutes and jumped. The older woman realized she went to flight school when she was young so she took control. They were are happy and drank a little bit too much alcohol and got drunk. The pilot also drunk and crashed into a huge skyscraper. This catastrophe was later named 9/11.

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I am fine, hungry but otherwise fine, I sometimes wish that things that come easy to you, did the same for me or others, excuse me, going to grab a bite, I hope we can chat here for a bit, it is not a chatting site the least. Say? Are you still burning mad at me? If not ill gladly give you a call, but if this is a ploy you are scheming in order to gain my trust I might be killing myself.

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A ginger, a brunette and a blonde all go to the store. They are checking out and the ginger says to the blonde, "Why did you get that cereal instead of the one on sale?" And the blonde says "Because I have a membership card that gave me a discount on this cereal." The ginger gets out of line to return her cereal because she remembers she too has a membership card. And then the brunette pulls out a gun and shoots them all because she has depression and needs psychiatric help.

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(Knock, knock) A: Who's there? B: Orange A: That is impossible. Oranges are inanimate objects and, therefore, cannot speak.

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What happens after Madeline McCann disappears. Jokes.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock -Who's there Not Sarah

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http://www.google.com/imgres?q=harry+styles+funny&hl=en&safe=active&biw=1024&bih=398&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=lc8_fNCatYHOqM:&imgrefurl=http://www.vervegirl.com/harry-being-typical-harry/&docid=86Gw8eNJ73tOYM&imgurl=http://www.vervegirl.com/cms/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/harry-styles-300.jpg&w=300&h=400&ei=q4vHT9XwHYL48gSJoJzJDw&zoom=1

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So a Mexican a Jew and a Philippino walk across the street What Happened? the border patrol shot them

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Why do black people like watermelon? Because it good you racist bastard!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. ;)

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a blond goes into a taxi, the driver asks where to my friend , the blond says her desired location, gets droped off and trips, falls on her head, suffers major injuries, dies,weeks later the taxi driver drove the family to the funeral, they walk out and one of of them trips and gets back up...

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit.

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why should you not shake a baby? because if it dies it wouldnt know that its parents hate them.

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i quit soccer because science happened and then i forgot how to screw in a lightbulb

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, My vagina is Red, Im on my period.

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Why did the girl go to Jupiter? To get more stupider

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Dad, why do people say mom is a nympho? No idea son, try asking one of your other dads.

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Whats long, hard, and makes a girl excited? A penis.

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How do you make a firefighter happy? Give him a blowjob and 10 million dollars.

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A Jew walks into a bar...He uses his coupon to get a free drink, then leaves.

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One linners President Kinnedy did you like the parade President Lincon did you like the play

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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