Oh and Nero, what are you suffering from? Is it dangerous? Are you dying or something? Please dont scare me like that again.

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So this guy was making a sandwich...

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Q.sam is 18 years old, why can't she get her licence? A.because Sam is a lost dog on the street

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What do you call a white duck? A quacker

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What is colored and looks good hanging from trees? Oranges. Get your mind out of the gutter!

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Your momma is so dumb that her IQ is 3 standard deviations below that of an average person.

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Neil is a reterd.

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What does a dog in a microwave look like? You tell me, I normally close my eyes when I jack off

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My girlfriend told me I couldn't satisfy her sexually. I told her she was beautiful and gave her flowers.

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Why did the guy go to the strip club? To look at naked people.

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Why is Michael Jackson bad at chess ? Because he is dead.

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Why did the black man get fired? In this economy businesses are downsizing and outsourcing jobs for cheaper labor.

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What do you call a mother cow? Moooom

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Why did the clown's ballon animal pop? He was a victim in a drive by shooting.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your friend, George. Oh hi George, I'll be there in a sec.

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Golf.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.

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What did the man say to the teacup? Nothing. He was drunk and on the floor.

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What did the kid tell his father? Go away, I'm watching elmo!

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Yo momma so old that she has started to look into an affordable life insurance plan to ensure all her final expenses are taken care of.

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Which ballet do pigs like best? Pigs don't understand ballet, but they probably like the ones with audience participation, as they are friendly animals and enjoy interacting with humans.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Faces like yours belong in the zoo But dont worrie ill be there Not in a cage But laughing at you

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what didn't I do when making this joke? Read and agree to the terms of service.

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There's a donut on a cruise ship and he goes up to the captain and he's like "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain goes "nope, come back tomorrow" so the next day the donut goes up to the captain and says "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain replies "nope, come back tomorrow" so the next day the donut goes up to the captain and he's like "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain says "NO!" and throws him over board Theres a couple on the cruise ship and the man was going to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and propose. So he was showing his bestfriend (who was also on the cruise ship) the ring. But was he pulled it out the wind picked up and the ring fell over board. So the man was forced to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and couldn't propose. So they go to dinner and the both get crab. And when they open up the crab and guess what's in the crab?! Not the ring the donut!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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