Q. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? A. An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

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Hold on, please hold on! I will explain, it is my name, but I don't know whats so wrong with it at all... Please give me five minutes, I need to use the bathroom, please don't go just yet, don't be mad at me, what have I done wrong now? I mean if you are gonna go to sleep or something please do not be upset with me.

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blargen fa-diddle nachen!

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why did the man shave his balls cause they were unnecessarily hairy

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What's green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree, it'll kill you? A pool table.

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What do George Washington, JFK and Hillary Clinton have in common? They've never been to my house.

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My life has been getting worse and worse since I developed cancer.

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Why did the black man cross the road? He was going to meet up with his friend who happened to be Irish.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, No, violets are VIOLET, That’s why they’re called “violets.” Edmund Spenser was an idiot.

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A. Big feet, you know what that means B. He has to order his shoes on line because they don't carry his size in stores.

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what's the difference between a duck? one leg's the same.

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There was a girl who had a dream of becoming a famous movie star. So, after five years of hard work and dedication, she didn't become a famous movie star. Dreams don't always come true. Refrigerators keep things cold.

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The man was so nice It's too bad he couldn't hear the bus coming.

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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? All of them.

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If David has 40 chocolate bars and eats 35 what does David have now? Diabetes, David has diabetes.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Grass is green Skies are blue

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We can consider a wind turbine as a great ventilator that produces heat.

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Roses are grey Violettes are grey I am colour blind And I suck at rhymes

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Q: What do you get when a black man dates a white lady? A: A perfectly acceptable relationship.

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Why cant Sally ride her bike? Because she has ceribal pausly

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Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

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Why did the fat girl stop eating? She wasn't hungry.

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Person 1: Why can't a T-Rex clap? Person 2: BECAUSE THEIR ARMS ARE TOO SMALL! Person 1: No, because they are extinct dumbass

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -It's just Linda from nextdoor. -Oh hi Linda come on in.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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