Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's DEAD!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did Stephen Hawking ask for pizza? Because he was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If you are swimming in a tree how many dogs does it take to crack a duck? The answer is 4 because nothing rhymes with orange

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what happened to the retarded dyslexic? he retard on his 60th birthday and took up gardening.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did one muffin say to the other muffin? I don't know what they said, but one muffin, had a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What happends when two gay guys want to have kids? They can't, so they go to an orphanage and adopt one.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Kinky = using a feather Perverted = using the whole chicken Weird = using chicken bones Downright disgusting = all of the above, plus a cat

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what can jump higher than a tree? anything that can jump because everyone knows that trees cannot jump.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

how many weasels does it take to change a lightbulb 0 weasels are animals and therefore are not capable of changing lightbulbs

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A bartender walks into a bar. About 8 hours later, he goes home.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Joker: Why so serious Man: My mom and dad just got hit by a car, and you just stabbed my friend in the face with a pencil. Joker: Oh well im sorry to hear that.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the hobo break both of his arms? He didn't like them.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Connor is homosexuaI

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whaT DID HEVEN SAY TO THE FRIDGE hAVE YOU GOT A COLD

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's black and white and red all over? Michael Jackson after his operation.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Excuse me. Oh, would you mind hitting the 15th floor button for me? Thanks.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How did the man want his hair cut? In silence.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock knock Who's there? Chicken Chicken who? I can't believe you're talking to a chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why'd the chicken cross the road It didn't, it was safely placed inside a chook house

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q. What did the Muffins say to the man? A. Nothing, muffins are inanimate objects therefore unable to speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a guy with an axe in his head? Chuck

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why couldn't the boy talk? He drowned.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops