don't do anything i wouldn't do first

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Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

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What is pink and stuffy? Pink stuff

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A naked man walks into a bar and is promptly arrested for indecent exposure.

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How many Polacks does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One. A person's ethnicity or country of origin, or religion for that matter, would have no bearing on one's ability to perform the relatively simple task of installing a light-bulb. Furthermore, there is no reason to use the negative slur 'polack' when referring to a person of Polish descent.

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

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Why did the ANTI-JOKE book cry? -It wasn't funny

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what do you call cheese thats not yours? A: stolen cheese.

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Phew... it's gone.

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How do you stop a baby flying 100mph? a shovel

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What do you call a chair in the middle of the road? A danger to drivers.

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Q: Why did the man die of starvation??? A: He didn't eat for 3 days!!

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What did the litlle boy get for christmas? The toy which he could only dream about. His father got cancer.

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I walk into Tesco and wrestle an obese women for a packet of ''Mini's Biscuits''. This quarrel was over nothing but a trolley filled with them. I gradually became infuriated. Meanwhile, an employee commited suicide.

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What's green and has wheels? Your mom.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some exercise. They were getting terribly overweight.

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Yo mama's so fat, she has low self-esteem.

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A man took a crap. . . . It felt amazing

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There were three brothers. Big, Harry and Dick. They were walking along the road and were all instantly killed by a drunk driver. Their names were never mentioned and their story was used as a promotion for the seriousness of drunk driving and should not be taken lightly.

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What did the police officer say to the bank robber? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense.

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last night i was doing some guy in the ass. i went to give him a reach around and the homo had a boner! freakin queer.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in an open hole Poor body disposal practice

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I have a black friend that recently went to the doctor for a full checkup. I saw him today, and he we was dressed to the nines in a very expensive suit. "What's with the suit," I asked. "My doctor told me I'm impotent! So I thought, if I'm going to be impotent, then it'll be harder to attract a long term mate without the ability to give her children someday. So I've decided to showcase my impeccable taste in style to make up for it." He seemed really bummed out, so I gave him a hug and we went and had some ice cream.

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Try this on your friend Have him start with "knock knock" Then blankly stare at him, if he asks you To reply tell him no one is home

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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