What do you call a guy named Bob hanging by a string? Plum Bob

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You might not notice at first, but in this very sentence there is a psychological phrase that is used to hypnotise you. If you read through the first sentence of this paragraph three or four times, you may start to feel the sudden urge to have a drink. This is called the ashvakalym effect.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. Why did he? NO I LOST THE CHICKEN Later: Knock knock Who's there The chicken

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Why do the lesbians where pants? Because they are extremely comfourtable and the best for cold days

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How do you get a clown off a swing? Take a chainsaw and cut the swing in half

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Two Irish men walk in to a bar. Or maybe it was three. It's actually quite a common occurrence here in Dublin.

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Why did the little girl walk into the wall? Because she was blind.

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What's the best use for a van full of candy? Donating it to an orphanage.

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Don't chop the dinosaur daddy! OK.

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Tiger woods is a famous golf player and Santa is a fictional old man dressed in red and white who is said to live in Lapland, have an airborne sleigh driven by eight magical reindeer and come down the chimney to fill childrens' stockings on Christmas eve.

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Internet Explorer

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Why did the kid lose his mom? She was shot.

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and a bag of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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What's worse than tripping over your shoelace? Watching your mother get her tits cut off with a chainsaw then getting ripped apart and eaten alive by cannibals

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What would happen if the whole world farted at once?

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whats worse than finding a dead cat in your kitchen? a dead cat in your bedroom

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What starts with "P" and ends with "orn"? Popcorn

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what did the poor guy get for christmas POVERTY

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sit in the dark for about 4 or 5 hours covered in Vaseline with a huge dildo inside of your arse

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What's the opposite of a joke? An Anti-Joke.

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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Knock knock! Go away. I'm busy masturbating, and it would be extremely awkward if you were to entire my residence at this time. Please return at a later hour.

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Q:What do you call a mexican witha clean record? A: Impossible

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What is white and smells like wood? White painted wood

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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