A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender doesn't understand him because he doesn't speak duck and promptly calls animal control to have the duck removed.

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Two men walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O!" The second man says "I'll have some H2O too!" Both men get water, because the bartender knows better than to give someone dihydrogen dioxide.

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You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

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PROS = good things CONS = bad thing So, if PROgress is a good thing...then why is the US government call CONgress?

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whats funny about anti jokes? nothing hince the name ANTI.

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Why don't women wear watches? In the technological age we live in, the watch is rapidly being replaced with other electronic devices that tell time, such as cell phones or iPods.

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If a banana is a vegetable, how come your mother gets confused when I stick pretzels in my butthole?

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What's John Lennon doing these days? Decomposing.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing. She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally

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What do you call a person with disabilities? Names.

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One man's trash is another dyslexic man's shart.

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What did goldilocks say to the three bears? she was savagely murdered before she could say anything.

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Q. What did the girl on drugs get for Easter? A. Down Syndromes Disease.

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You scream I scream We all screamed when the chicken crossed the road

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Two guys stopped at a restaurant for coffee. "I'll have a mug of strong coffee," said the first. The second said, " I'll have strong coffee too, but I want a clean mug." The waiter returns and says, "which one of you wants the clean mug?"

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Whats fun about having sex with twenty six year olds? Theres twenty of them

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Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

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How do you make a drug dealer cry? Just say no

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what is behind your butt? DEEZ NUTS

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was suicidal.

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Your momma is so black that she probably has ancestors indigenous to Africa.

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A blonde keeps walking down her driveway to her mailbox.Finally, her neighbor asks, "Why?" The blonde replies, "The computer says I've got mail."

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Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor ? A: The holocaust

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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