Whats brown and sticky? A stick.

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Knock Knock!! Who's there? The Bailiffs, now get out.

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A baby crawls into a bar. He cannot walk.

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Q: What do you call a real joke on anti joke A: Someone obviously don't understand the concept of this website

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there's a blonde and a brunette jumping out of a plane, what one hits the ground first? they both hit at the same time because gravity pulls everything down towards the earth at the same pace

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What is the only non-racist animal? The mexican panda. Why? It's black, white, hispanic, and asian.

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What do you call a black man with a guitar? His name

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A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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What is worse than being killed in a car crash? Having your girlfriend in the car with you.

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why cant the porcupine marry the balloon? ...neither one can talk.. obviously.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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Chose to describe yourself: Green thumb: Tall wealthy, good looking, intelligent man with a model wife, a ferrari expensivo, a hotel just for yourself. Red thumb: A below average piece of shit? Green thumb? Dont lie to me you piece of sh*t!

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what do all elephants have in common? they are all monkeys

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Your mother is so fat that when she jumps into a pool, she displaces a proportionately larger amount of water than people with normal body mass indexes or BMI

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'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Ebola, You're going to die.

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why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no guts

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I like my women like bacon. Greasy and full of wrinkels

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Why did the retarded guy follow the 7 year old? Because he's a stalker.

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A man walked into a doctors and said, “Doctor help! My arms have stopped working” to which the receptionist replied, “I’m not the doctor and you need to make an appointment.”

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A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital and has his wounds treated.

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You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can't make him think.

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why did the guy round second base? to get to 3rd

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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