"Did you fall from heaven?...Cause your face is really messed up."

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Two hippos are in a lake with water up to their eyes. One of them then says, "i keep thinking it's tueday"

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Why are roses red ? Ass in my face .

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2 men walked into a bar. the other one ducked.

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A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender doesn't understand him because he doesn't speak duck and promptly calls animal control to have the duck removed.

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Q. Why did Steve Carell, the 40 year old virgin, fail to get laid? A. Erectile Dysfunctioning.

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A blind man walks in a bar I mean like a metal bar But it didn't hurt He only laught

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, Retinal Hemorrhage.

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Two men walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O!" The second man says "I'll have some H2O too!" Both men get water, because the bartender knows better than to give someone dihydrogen dioxide.

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What is the difference between a Jew and a Muslim? Their religion.

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How many people like gang rape? 9 out of 10

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How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to suck my dick.

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Everything.

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What's harder to pick up, a football or an anvil? It doesn't matter when you lost your fingers in 'nam.

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Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.

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A woman asked me today if I'd ever tried crazy golf. I hadn't actually ever tried it.... So I replied "no".

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what did the stop sign say to the car? nothing.

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Whats red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion.

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what happened to the man who walked into a bar he slipped from the bar of soap and died

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What do you call someone with no arms, one leg,and an eye patch? names

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Why did Kristi drop her chap-stick? Kristi was of the many children held in hostage of the Jewish heritage during the times of Hitler's wrath. At the Concentration camps they were not given the opportunity to maintain a healthy, average diet thus decreasing her body strength. No longer could Kristi hold her chap-stick - alas her frail little fingers slowly released the cylinder shaped tube and hopelessly watched it hit the ground. As it hit the ground, a cloud of dust swept over Kristi's body. At the same time Kristi was taking a big whiff of fresh air (just kidding, the air at concentration camps were not fresh - it reeked of acid) she accidentally inhaled the dirt which fled through her body and made her faint. She woke up and it was a dream, lol.

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Q: How do you do to get an elephant down from a tree? A: Wait for the fall when the leaves start falling you shoot it down.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? If the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are because there are no replacement light bulbs, the don't have transportation, and the nearest store is 10 miles away. In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

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What's funny and old? I really do'nt know

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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