So a blond, a brunette, a ninja, a pirate, a priest, a rabbi, a mathematician and an engineer all walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What, is this some kind of joke?"

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Why do Squirrels accidentally plant millions of trees. Because they bury their nuts and forget where they are.

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what do you call a cat that cant meow? Charlie Sheen.

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I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet... ...then I made fun of him and laughed.

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What do you call a cow without legs? Disabled.

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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Your mama's so fat, that it's ruined her self-esteem.

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Charlie Sheen

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Knock knock whos there? Jake jake who? jake from state farm, and i'd like to tell you about our insurance company

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Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it "NUuhHUhhuUUUuhhhuuuuumph!"

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? You help him down.

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Why did little Bobby put a firecracker in the dog's ass? Don't worry he used lube.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Why do skinny women eat their food fresh cooked? So that they don't contract food-borne diseases and risk dying.

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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

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Knock Knock. Hello Frank! How'd you know it was me? There is a window next to the door.

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Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a bag of dead babies? A: I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline.

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What is round and bad-tempered? A vicious circle

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rozes r read violots r bue i cannt soell causse ima bliend

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You know what's worse than finding a real joke on antijoke.com? AIDS

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how do make a condom fly around the room? Piss it off!

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A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

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A black man walks into a bar in an all white neighborhood. He has a couple of drinks, pays for them, and politely calls a taxi for a ride home.

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An English couple walk int a Portuguese bar. They never see their daughter again.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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