9-11 please state your emergency. My house is flooding! Dad, youre in the swimming pool.

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Whats worse than losing your entire family in a car accident? Luikimia

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What did the alcoholic Indian do? Continued to drink and further worsen his people's stereotype.

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Scream went into the bar. The bartender says," Why the long face?" "..." *facepalm*

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why did sally drown? because she had no arms or legs and couldn't swim

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Roses are red Violets are blue I love you a lot But you're dead and I have unhealthy necrophiliac tendencies

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Yo momma's so fat that when she asked the doctor, he said she could have such bad cardiovascular problems if yo mamma keep the typical sedentary habits, wich consist in a diet with a lots of fat and sugar, the lack of physical exercise and genetical characterists which make a person get fatter more easily.

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The little girl asks her father "Daddy why is santa fat?" "you have to exist to lose weight" he answered

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How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb? Let's go play on our bikes.

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Robert Palmer: Doctor Doctor give me the news! Doctor: You have contracted lung cancer and AIDS. You will die before Christmas.

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A cat walks into a bar. She belongs to the owner, so he gives her a saucer of milk.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms and she was blind.

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How do you kill Lady Gaga? There is no point in trying, she is too heavily guarded.

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What did the homeless man get for his 34th birthday? 34 years of regret.

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What's the difference between a police officer and a green dinosaur? They both aren't cabbages.

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What did the 80 year old man do to celebrate valentines day with his wife? Nothing, Alzheimer's made him forget about Valentines day.....and that he was married. What did his wife do for Valentines day? Killed herself.

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A kid walked into a bar and ordered a drink and then was arrested for drinking under the age of 18

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How many retards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No number of them could figure it out. They sit in the dark for hours, scared of the monsters.

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What is 33 + 1? Penis

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How many moose does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it is biologically and theoretically impossible for a moose to climb a ladder and screw in a light bulb.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Does it really matter?

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But there's a sound Dumbledore knows... What does the Fawkes say?

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I got pussies, cocks, asses and bitches. In my animal store.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops