What's brown,green got four legs and can fall out of a tree and kill you? A snooker table.

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Why can't Vampires go out in the sunlight? Because they don't exist.

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Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius!

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Jacob loves stroking his gf's doodle every lunch break. He was embarrased cause it was bigger than his.

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What happens when two elephants go out in the rain? They get wet.

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How many morman minutes does it take to get to school? A lightyear

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Not having an apple

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Knock Knock Who did that?

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what do you call a man that has a terminal illness and is named James - James

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Q: Why was the little boy late for school? A: His face was stapled to a wall.

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Whats the difference between the NBA and the WNBA? NBA players make more, have more fans, and play a real sport.

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If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? It depends on how sound is defined

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Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? No. You don't need to, it's quite inappropriate.

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Why did Bob fall off the swing? Because he had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there Obviously not Bob, Idiot What did Bob get for christmas? A glove Actually, I lie. He hasn't unboxed it yet.

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a dad farts in the woods nothing else happens

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A very unfortunate blind fish.

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what did the duck with roller skates say to the camel? how are the wife and kids?

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What happens if a girl punches a guy? A white man in prison, convicted of sexual assault.

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Hurricane sandy should have been named hurricane snooki because it ruined the jersey shore

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Why dont you greet your friend Jack on a plane? because you will say "hi Jack"

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Two men walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O!" The second man says "I'll have some H2O too!" Both men get water, because the bartender knows better than to give someone dihydrogen dioxide.

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Whats Pink and fluffy? Yellow fluff thats been dyed pink :D

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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