- Anti Joke

How do you confuse a Mexican? Stand in the middle of a crosswalk while shouting "Cthulu will rise!" whilst looking at the sky and playing "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung. Works every time.

your mammas so fat tha-- my mother is dead. oh... sorry.

i like my rose red and my diamonds blue your screamin mercy so did ur mom but i killed her to

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all on a deserted island with no food or water. The redhead decides to try and swim to safety, but after a few hours of swimming she becomes to tired to carry on and drowns. After knowing their friend died, the two other women decide that swimming is not a viable option for rescue, so they decide to stay on the island. A few days later a search party rescues them.

Q: A football coach walks into a bank. Why? A: Because one of his players is suffering from terminal cancer and he needs governmental funding for the team to play the big game against their rivals and to win, in hopes the kid will recover. Q: Why did the football coach go into the bank again? A: To receive more money to find a new running back.

So a blonde, brunete, and red head are all on the side of the road for prostitution. so a man walks up to the red head with money. she takes it and runs off. a man goes up to the bruenete and hands her money, but she also takes it and runs. so a man walks up to the blond with money and she says "wait...we get paid to do this?"

Bill: Hey Scott, do you have the time? John: My name is John, you must have mistaken me for someone else. Bill: Oh. I apologize for the inconvenience. John: No problem. By the way, the time is 3:34. Bill: I don't actually need the time, me and Scott just have this inside joke of me asking the time when we both very well know that he refuses to wear a wristwatch. John: Alright

Why did the black man fall off the building? The building was one of the twin towers and the event 9/11 was currently happening and he saw one of the planes coming at him so he decided to jump to his misery instead because he thought it will hurt less, also he thought that if he waited for the plane to hit him there is a possibility that one of the wings may hit him right on the neck and his head will get chopped off and he wanted to die with his body completely attached.

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

What did the Chinese man do with the sick dog he found in the alleyway? He took it to the vet, nursed it back to health, and later helped the dog get adopted by a nice family down the street.

two kids find a condom so they decide to show their mum the mum snatched it off them saying never to touch one of them again the kids went to their room "Mum sounded pretty angry about that thing "Lucky we didnt tell her about the yohgurt we drank out of it

We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you (Ooh, give you up) (Ooh, give you up) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

why did the blonde get caught shop lifting? she wasnt a very good theif

What do you get when you cross the motorway with a lottery ticket? You get knocked down and killed.

I think I am done here friend, it always comes to this, it has always been easier for me to repair whatever is wrong with others and get my kicks out of that, as I know I can and will repair everything wrong with myself, but its hard as hell, I mean I never give up, ever. But that does not change the fact that I am broken, and that simply deciding that I am not, is far from enough, its a choice indeed, but its like deciding to constantly walk trough hell, and sometimes that hell is also called living, that too is always a choice, And believe me, I would never quit, I guess that if this hell I struggle trough has so many nice things in it, it just feels like hell at times. I mean the main motivation behind my ability to help others, has always been searching for answers low and high, and when what I have learned trough life helps others, but barely scratches the surface of the armor I am confined within, I lose hope, do you believe that my desire to help humanity grow, derived from my own incompetence at curing myself?

Why do aliens listen to relaxing music while they have sex? They like to cum in peace. \m/

Why did the rooster cross the road? To go play with the other roosters.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The first line is spelled wrong, Ha, I tricked you

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the bag.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? This site.

Why did the blonde go to the post office? Because she received a phone call from them indicating that there was a package for her.

why do black people like kool-aid? it's a tasty refreshment

Roses are red My bulb is blue My pants are extending When I look at you

How do you keep black people out of your backyard. A no trespassing sign.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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