Did you hear why the peanut got arrested by walking next to another peanut? One got a-salt-ed

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's short, white, and is sick and tired of your shit? A toilet. What's white and killed Elvis? Also a toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What do you get when you have water, sodium C14-16 olefin sulfonate, glycerin, disodium lauroamphodiacetate, polysorbate 20, cocamidopropyl, betaine, PEG-6 Phenoxyethanol, PPG-15 Stearyl, Ether, Citric Acid, isocateth-20, Fragrance, Methylparaben, Tetrasodium EDTA, Xanthan Gum, Propylparben, Ethylparagen, and Camelia Sinensis Leaf Extract? A: All New Clean & Clear Oil Free Make-up Dissolving Foaming Cleanser.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many omish people did it take to screw in a lightbulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A lion and a cheetah raced each other and the cheetah won Lion: "man you're a cheetah!" Cheetah: "no you're lion!" Then the cheetah tears off the lions head and feeds it to their babies

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Yo mammas so fat she wears big clothes!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you get a baby to start crying? Drop a brick on it. How do you get it to stop crying? Drop two bricks on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock, Knock Who's there? Orange That's impossible because orange's can't talk. Oh. It's Jim, I need to borrow your lawnmower.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How did the old man die? His family locked him in the basement and then burned the house

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Whenever someone asks you why you're sad, always remember this simple answer so that people won't keep asking you more questions: "Because Hitler died"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red, Grass is greener, When I think about you, I play with my weiner

thumb_up thumb_down +2

If quizzes are quizical, what are tests? Testicals

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red, violets are blue, suck my tip and call me Regi.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the baby cross the road? Because ti was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did Marshawn Lynch say? Yeah

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what did the gay man say to the pole? May i have this dance

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How tall is a tree? Taller than the ground

thumb_up thumb_down

A recently widowed blond was on her way to an appointment with her attractive physician, when she realized that she was almost out of gas, so she stopped to refuel at a station near his office.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapeled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a girl with no legs? Disabled.

thumb_up thumb_down

A British man walks into a dentist's office.

thumb_up thumb_down

What does a chocolate bar and a dolphin have in common? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you get we you mix a ginger with gasoline? A forest fire.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops